Learning to Live With Our Juicer

Here's me, bright and early this morning, enjoying a nice full glass of kale, apples, carrot, and my good friend spirulina for a nice, refreshing breakfast.  You see, the wife got out of bed early and before I even got in the shower, I could hear the Vitamix 5200 springing to life.  I knew there would be no solid food for me on this fine morning.  Apparently the wife thinks the kids should be part of the Vitamix revolution too.  Here they are this am, trying their best to look like they enjoy their blended concoctions.  (My youngest daughter said it tastes like grass and toilet paper). - Side Note:  I realize I look like a pile of warmed up poop in the above photo, but what the hell, they ain't all golden and I'm more of a natural light kind of guy.

Long story short, the Vitamix 5200 is here to stay and the wife seems to be in love with it.  Granted, mixing in fruit and veg juices on a regular basis is going to be much healthier and truth be told, I didn't get hungry last night, slept fantastic, and was two pounds lighter when I got on the scale this am.  The jury is still out on the not being hungry part since we watched a show last night that featured these three weirdos living in San Francisco who are 'polyamorists' meaning they're allowed to have many loves.  This particular 'triad' was two dumpy dudes with beards and some old broad with purple hair and an ass as wide as Ohio who all slept in the same bed and screwed each other.  Every time the wife person wanted one of the dudes to nail her, she'd raise her eyebrows up and down really fast like one of those old silent movie people and say "Wanna go snuggle?".  The whole thing made me want to puke so I'm not sure if my fruit and veg drink and soup for dinner was what had me feeling full or just the disgust I felt at 'Wanna snuggle?'.  Long story short though, outside of outrageous farts that smell like earth and mint, I'm feeling pretty darn good and I'm not hungry so good on me.

Of course, with all change comes a learning curve.  Last night, after I drank my incredibly strong smoothie and nearly barfed, the wife announced that she had mistakenly used three times as much kale as you're supposed to in the recipe.  I nearly panicked thinking I was going to die but she assured me I'd be ok.  Then, this morning, the wife forgot to start the Vitamix 5200 on low when she was cleaning it and the soapy water mixture shot half way up the side of our cabinets in the kitchen.  Looked like Peter North had been by the house and done his magic on my cherry wood!

I'm not totally sold on the idea of doing a full juice fast, but I do have to say I'm surprised that its pretty good stuff and I'm feeling alright.  I'll allow the Vitamix 5200 to stay with us for a while longer to see how it goes.

I Have Officially Gone Crazy

Today is officially the day that I've gone from some dude who wants to get in shape to a stark raving mad moron who will go for any gimmick that comes his way.  Not two hours after leaving the house this am, the wife went out and purchased the Vitamix 5200.  It juices, it blends, it makes soups, it even gives great blow jobs!  Anywho, we've got one and now the Mrs. wants to make juice out of everything in the house.  I'm going to have to hide my shoes for fuck's sake!

The video below is our first attempt at making an organic fruit and veg drink similar to the ones they drank in 'Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead'.  Enjoy (warning, the freaking noise is off the charts):

Possible Radical and Borderline Stupid Act Approaching...

Last night, the wife and I watched 'Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead' (by we watched it I mean I watched it while the wife fell asleep and then I had to tell her about the whole thing this morning).  The basics of the documentary is that is about a dude from  Australia who weighs 309 pounds and he decides he'd going to do something about it so he goes on a fruit and vegetable juice fast for 60 days and drives across the U.S. trying to talk to people about it.  The main guy and one other dude both do it for 60 days and they both have incredible results but they're both not working the entire time they do it so that's out for me but they do run across people who agree to give it a try for ten days and every one of these people who completes the ten days has insane results.  Long story short, the wife and I are thinking about giving it a try.

One of the problems is, if we're going to do this thing, I want to get a good juicer.  One of our friends, who is in very good shape, uses the Vitamix 1709 Pro Series (Below)

This baby is supposed to be able to make juice out of just about anything and gets very high reviews.  I figure if you're going to feed two people on nothing but juice for ten days, you need some heavy duty equipment but this sonofabitch costs $500.  Sweet merciful crap!  The jury is still out on whether or not we'll be doing the juice fast, but I'll keep my readers (both of them) posted.

In the meantime, I'm interested...has anyone out there tried a juice fast?  How'd it go?