Breakfast By Vitamix

I was just awesome yesterday....until about 4:00pm.  Wine and cheddar goldfish crackers are the enemy.

Pictured above is my breakfast this am.  Scoop of banana protein powder, frozen mixed berries, a smidge of water and some spirulina.  Pure greatness.  I may or may not exercise today.  As it stands now, I need to be close to the potty.

Chubb-O-Reeno

I realized after I saw some video of me this weekend that my five weeks of an unemployed life of excess are taking their toll on my gut and getting on the scale this morning confirmed as much.  I've gotten so large, that I'm in talks with some movie studios about an action film dedicated to me called 'The Not So Hunger Games', where my character "Largeness Gravyspleen" battles eclairs, bacon, and cheeseburgers to the death armed only with his bow that shoots hot dogs that boomerang around and go right back into his mouth.  Yes, the eating must stop.

This morning I did a seven mile ride on the SART to the gym, followed by an upper body workout, followed by a seven mile ride on Serena to get back home.  The above photo was my breakfast, a whole fresh peach, and a scoop of banana protein powder thrown into the Vitamix 5200 with ice.

Purple Drank

This morning I got out of bed, had some coffee, cleared the decks in a huge way, and then did the ride to the gym, core workout, and ride home.  A glorious morning indeed.  When I got back to the house, I was powerful hungry so I had the wife mix up a concoction in the Vitamix 5200 that I highly recommend.  Almond milk, Greek yogurt, blueberries, frozen grapes, half a banana, spirulina (can't forget that stuff), and cinnamon.  When this sucker was done, I dubbed it 'The Grimace' in honor of the famous McDonaldland character of the same name (above).

Here's a couple of shots of The Grimace smoothie below:

I highly recommend mixing up The Grimace as a refreshing smoothie to get you to your next meal.  My next meal will probably be something large and greasy but that's because I'm awesome.

Bonus Material:

Descriptions of the McDonaldland gang:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grimace_(character)#Characters

Master Craftsman of the Smoothie

Check it out, the first smoothie made my me in the Vitamix 5200.  I added lots of strawberries and grapes trying to make it red but the spirulina and kale just trumps everything so it was a green one with some silent red.  That baby went down real smooth after my bike ride.  Its good that I'm going healthy right now because I'll be going to Angels Stadium tonight with Captain Tim and the wives and I'm guessing there will be some beers consumed..

The Vitamix Rides Again!

This morning, I flew out of bed at 6:30am (pretty good for an unemployed dude) and went for a big run (three miles....which was tougher than it should have been for me) and was powerful hungry when I got home.    Since I'm master of my own destiny now I figured I better figure out how to use the Vitamix 5200 on my own.  So, just before my wife went to the gym, I ordered her to show me how to work the Vitamix at once.

I put way too much spirulina in so she took over from there adding cinnamon.(above)

After the powdery substances, you add the fruits, kale, and anything else you want to go in there.  At one point, the wife said "I need a banana" and I replied with "Whoooa babe!  The kids are awake!"  She doesn't think I'm funny.

This part is key...after you add all the ingredients, you put it on variable speed level 1 and turn it on.  Then...you gradually increase the Vitamix 5200 speed from 1 to 7 (Lord only knows what happens if you blast that sucker all the way to 10).  Once it gets going at level 7, you hit high and watch it just liquefy the shit out of everything in the container.

After about 30 seconds on high, you power down the Vitamix 5200 and you're left with a delicious and nutritious green smoothie.  The one above is extra green because of my spirulina overload.  This morning's smoothie had a very earthy taste to be sure.

Mayan Superfood is the New Black!

The wife is on a health food vibe so she loaded up on some wild stuff this week while I was on the road.  Two of the items she purchased were Wildcrafted Goji berries (from China) and Cacao nibs which, as you can see in the photo, are classified as "Mayan Superfood".

This morning, the missus threw some kale, spirulina, OJ, water, ice, and goji berries into the Vitamix 5200 and let'er rip.  The concoction, while quite earthy tasting, was good, and just to top it off, I grabbed a handful of Cacao nibs and threw them in my mouth.  The sensation I had upon tasting this unholy blend was similar to when He-Man would yell 'By the Power of Greyskull and all hell would break loose with lightning bolts and whatnot.  I had to stomp my foot a couple of times and then just wildly started punching at the air for no reason at all other than I felt compelled to do it because of the sudden, overwhelming sensation of power I had.  Oddly enough, my sister came in the room, took a slug of her portion of the power beverage (she didn't throw back the Mayan Superfood...that was only for me) and she too had a sudden fit of mock combat against an unseen enemy.  What the hell is in that stuff?  Its the real deal!

Flash forward to now...

For the past five hours, I have had rancid, loud farts like nobody's business.  We're talking DEFCON 1, pure evil coming out of my ass in high volumes at all times.  One can only assume that whatever the wife put into the smoothies she made this morning with the addition of Mayan Superfood has the octane level of jet fuel and the radioactive half life of plutonium.  Sweet mercy I am a walking gas-bag.

Smoothie Fast Final Day

Yes folks, today is the final day of my green smoothie fast.  Here's a shot of my little mid morning snack...ahhhhh soo refreshing!  Truth be told, I'm dying to get something hot in my mouth (I'm sure that will increase hits based on Google searches).  Still haven't been hungry at all but its nice to sit down and actually eat a meal so come Saturday, I'm going to engage eating mode again.  Hopefully I don't lose it and just eat everything in site.  On the bright side, I'm down eight pounds in four days so this should be a good start to eating healthy almost all the time.  We'll see...

Back on the Commute Baby!

The rain has subsided and its a glorious morning!  It was time to get my arse back on Serena and commute to work again.  Before I hit the trail, I needed to enjoy my breakfast (above).  I know I've said it before but the Vitamix 5200 is pretty damn amazing.  That mofo turned all that fruit and veg into complete liquid.  My only concern was that the wife told me just before I got on the bike for 30 min of vigorous exercise that when she researched a juice fast online they suggested that one stays very near the toilet for the first two days....not exactly a comforting thought but oh well, it wouldn't be the first time I $hit my pants and it certainly wouldn't be the last!

I was already excited that I got to get back on the bike for my commute to work but as an added bonus, my buddy Mark is going to start riding more often as well.  He's got about 4.5 miles to go to get to my house and he's like 87 years old or something but he thinks he can handle it. The photo above is Mark, happy and invigorated after our morning ride, er0tic sauna session, and shower.  You can just see the life and vitality in his face.

As a side note, there was a slight change in my routine this morning.  Since I was riding with someone, I didn't need to wear shorts with pockets for my iTouch so I went with my new bike shorts and ultra tight leggings.  That's right Gut Chronicles fans...today was national 'Check out my hot package day' on the SART.

Smoothietastic!

Last night, the wife and I decided to go for the remainder of the week (till Saturday) consuming nothing but raw  fruit and veg smoothies*.  That's right people, its game f*cking ON!  The wife bought lots of organics yesterday and upgraded to the large size spirulina.  Wifeypoo also downloaded a bunch of smoothie recipes that are supposed to get us all needed nutrients. I'm a little worried about a lack of protein since I spend so much time working on my rock hard muscles but what the hell, its only five days right?

Here's me, about to drink my dinner....yummo...sort of.  Good news is, I haven't felt hungry yet and I've got a high energy level so I'm pretty sure its so far so good.  Hopefully its solid going into the vitamix, smoothie coming out, and then turns to solid again when the 'process' is completed.

*  We're allowing ourselves coffee as well...no need to get crazy

Learning to Live With Our Juicer

Here's me, bright and early this morning, enjoying a nice full glass of kale, apples, carrot, and my good friend spirulina for a nice, refreshing breakfast.  You see, the wife got out of bed early and before I even got in the shower, I could hear the Vitamix 5200 springing to life.  I knew there would be no solid food for me on this fine morning.  Apparently the wife thinks the kids should be part of the Vitamix revolution too.  Here they are this am, trying their best to look like they enjoy their blended concoctions.  (My youngest daughter said it tastes like grass and toilet paper). - Side Note:  I realize I look like a pile of warmed up poop in the above photo, but what the hell, they ain't all golden and I'm more of a natural light kind of guy.

Long story short, the Vitamix 5200 is here to stay and the wife seems to be in love with it.  Granted, mixing in fruit and veg juices on a regular basis is going to be much healthier and truth be told, I didn't get hungry last night, slept fantastic, and was two pounds lighter when I got on the scale this am.  The jury is still out on the not being hungry part since we watched a show last night that featured these three weirdos living in San Francisco who are 'polyamorists' meaning they're allowed to have many loves.  This particular 'triad' was two dumpy dudes with beards and some old broad with purple hair and an ass as wide as Ohio who all slept in the same bed and screwed each other.  Every time the wife person wanted one of the dudes to nail her, she'd raise her eyebrows up and down really fast like one of those old silent movie people and say "Wanna go snuggle?".  The whole thing made me want to puke so I'm not sure if my fruit and veg drink and soup for dinner was what had me feeling full or just the disgust I felt at 'Wanna snuggle?'.  Long story short though, outside of outrageous farts that smell like earth and mint, I'm feeling pretty darn good and I'm not hungry so good on me.

Of course, with all change comes a learning curve.  Last night, after I drank my incredibly strong smoothie and nearly barfed, the wife announced that she had mistakenly used three times as much kale as you're supposed to in the recipe.  I nearly panicked thinking I was going to die but she assured me I'd be ok.  Then, this morning, the wife forgot to start the Vitamix 5200 on low when she was cleaning it and the soapy water mixture shot half way up the side of our cabinets in the kitchen.  Looked like Peter North had been by the house and done his magic on my cherry wood!

I'm not totally sold on the idea of doing a full juice fast, but I do have to say I'm surprised that its pretty good stuff and I'm feeling alright.  I'll allow the Vitamix 5200 to stay with us for a while longer to see how it goes.

I Have Officially Gone Crazy

Today is officially the day that I've gone from some dude who wants to get in shape to a stark raving mad moron who will go for any gimmick that comes his way.  Not two hours after leaving the house this am, the wife went out and purchased the Vitamix 5200.  It juices, it blends, it makes soups, it even gives great blow jobs!  Anywho, we've got one and now the Mrs. wants to make juice out of everything in the house.  I'm going to have to hide my shoes for fuck's sake!

The video below is our first attempt at making an organic fruit and veg drink similar to the ones they drank in 'Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead'.  Enjoy (warning, the freaking noise is off the charts):

Possible Radical and Borderline Stupid Act Approaching...

Last night, the wife and I watched 'Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead' (by we watched it I mean I watched it while the wife fell asleep and then I had to tell her about the whole thing this morning).  The basics of the documentary is that is about a dude from  Australia who weighs 309 pounds and he decides he'd going to do something about it so he goes on a fruit and vegetable juice fast for 60 days and drives across the U.S. trying to talk to people about it.  The main guy and one other dude both do it for 60 days and they both have incredible results but they're both not working the entire time they do it so that's out for me but they do run across people who agree to give it a try for ten days and every one of these people who completes the ten days has insane results.  Long story short, the wife and I are thinking about giving it a try.

One of the problems is, if we're going to do this thing, I want to get a good juicer.  One of our friends, who is in very good shape, uses the Vitamix 1709 Pro Series (Below)

This baby is supposed to be able to make juice out of just about anything and gets very high reviews.  I figure if you're going to feed two people on nothing but juice for ten days, you need some heavy duty equipment but this sonofabitch costs $500.  Sweet merciful crap!  The jury is still out on whether or not we'll be doing the juice fast, but I'll keep my readers (both of them) posted.

In the meantime, I'm interested...has anyone out there tried a juice fast?  How'd it go?