The Squash Don't Lie

As if my own recommendation wasn't enough, one of my loyal readers went out to Trader Joes and picked up some spaghetti squash last weekend.  The photo above is of their spag squash made according to my awesome suggestions.  Check that baby out...how appetizing!  How healthy!  NOM NOM NOM!!!

Go out and get yourself some spaghetti squash today, you won't be disappointed.

So Durty!

Yesterday, after a great workout and a very healthy lunch, I did the smart thing and decided to go have beers with my buddy at some Irish joint called Durty Nelly's (pictured above).  Having a few beers and watching football is one thing, but having a few beers and onion rings and chicken nachos and a bowl of peanuts is quite another.  Needless to say, taking that kind of leap after several weeks of relatively healthy eating has left my guts in a state where I shouldn't be more than ten feet from the thunder mug at any given point.  FIRE IN THE HOLE!

Back in the day, when I ate crappy food all the time, my night at Durty Nelly's would have been no big deal. Back then, I would have eaten and drank beer to my heart's content, ripped some class 7 paint peelers all night long and then woke craving a huge stack of pancakes or something.  This is no longer the case and I'm glad.  Sure, when you're on the beers constantly, it's good to have a cast iron stomach that is just a quick stop in the constant chain of digestion that is your eating style.  But when you're doing good, you know you're doing good because a night at Durty Nelly's can catch up with you in a hurry and leave you feeling like two ferrets are fighting it out in your stomach and a healthy batch of hot lava is always in the on deck circle.

Side note...I went on Yelp, the most useless site on the planet, to see if there were any good pics of Durty Nelly's to post on the blog.  There were 11 pictures  nearly all of them blurry, some of them were of some amateur band, and then there was this one:

Nothing gives you a better idea of what to expect at an Irish pub than a photo of some chick who is drunk, clearly not Irish, apparently under age, and dressed as an angel singing karaoke.  Once again Yelp, top quality work.

Spaghetti Squash...its not just for dinner anymore

No, that's not a toy I had removed by doctors from my buttocks (or is it?), its a spaghetti squash and let me tell you they are damn good.  Consider this...if you eat this stuff instead of pasta, the taste is every bit as good, its healthier, and the calorie swing is something that NASA would have to calculate because its so dramatic.

How do you make one of these babies you ask?  I'm not totally sure how its made but I see the wife stab it with a knife 40-50 times, then put it in the microwave and run it for five minutes, then take it out while she swears like a sailor, then rotate, then microwave some more, then do it all again.  Once its done, you take it out, shred the inside and it looks just like spaghetti, then pour a nice healthy marinara sauce with some lean ground beef or chicken breast over it and you're having a hearty meal that is extremely healthy.

We ate one of these little beauties last night and the whole family liked it.  Sure my ass sounded like a bullhorn all night and all morning but that's a small price to pay for clean living!

GO OUT AND GET ONE TODAY

RIP...

I try to keep this blog funny and entertaining for the most part but some times, with the shit life throws at the world, there really isn't anything funny to say.  Case in point...

The woman pictured above is Sarah Leaf.  Sarah was the person responsible for the incredible weight loss and fitness level I achieved before I let it all go back to hell.  The 'program' I am on now and a lot of the things I post about on my blog are straight from her and, when followed, seem to universally make people lose weight and get healthy.  Point being, this perfectly healthy, beautiful, 29 year old certified nutritionist was killed yesterday while riding her bike on PCH.

Without getting too dramatic, I'd like to point out that Sarah was a true professional, someone who was passionate about her client's health, and an all around good person.  Sarah could be a hardass and that was exactly what me, and about ten of my good friends needed to get our collective asses into shape.  If its possible to add some levity to this situation, some of my favorite interactions with Sarah when I was one of her clients (I lost 54 pounds in four months and was in the best shape of my life since high school when I saw her) went as follows:

Sarah:  "So what are some of your favorite things to eat when you're snacking?"

Me:  "Saltines"

Sarah:  "OK, so how many saltines do you eat?"

Me:  "A sleeve"

Sarah:  "What?  You can sit down and eat a whole entire sleeve of saltines?"

Me:  "Yep...just open one end and don't stop until I'm done"

Sarah:  "HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL WHEN YOU EAT AN ENTIRE SLEEVE OF SALTINES???"

Me:  "Like I want more"

Sarah:  "ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!??"
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A voicemail from Sarah when I was her client:  "Hi, its Sarah.  I'm just calling to confirm our appointment for Thursday this week.  By the way, I saw Alisha today and she told me about last weekend so you can just forget about trying to lie about it because I already know."

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On my first consultation with Sarah, I told her I was going on a road trip to Chicago and on one of the days I was going to be there I was doing a big day/night out that included a Cubs game and all the awesome stuff that comes after.  Sarah told me that was perfect and that I should keep track of what I ate and drank on the day of the Cubs game so it could give her a good idea of what my work travel was like.  When I got back and met with Sarah, the conversations was:

Sarah:  "Ok, so lets start with the drinking.  List for me what you had to drink the day you went to the game and then out with customers after."

Me:  "So we got to Murphy's Bleachers at around 10:00am, had a few old styles..."

Sarah:  "How many Old Styles?"

Me:  "I don't know, probably four or five"

Sarah:  "This was before noon..."

Me:  "Yeah, it was at Wrigley, a day game...you know about baseball?"

Sarah:  "OK...just keep going"

Me:  "So we did the game, then went to some place called Sheffields or something and I had a couple of car bombs.  After that, we went to this bar that had batting cages and I did a bunch of jello shots while I was taking swings in the cages.  Let me tell you, I can still hit.  From there we hit Hugos Frog Bar and I had a couple of Woodford reserves before dinner and then probably like a bottle of wine during dinner with my steak.  Then we had a Wild Turkey and ginger for a night cap and went to bed around 2:30am..."

Sarah, interupting me:  "You seriously had that much to drink?"

Me:  "Yeah.  You should probably throw in another twelve beers or so that I had during the game"

Sarah:  "OH...MY.....GOD!"

Me:  "What?  You ever been to Chicago?  You should go."

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Long story short, Sarah was freaking awesome.  I fully admit I'm not the healthiest guy on the planet but Sarah changed my life in that fully understand now that when I decide to be healthy, I can do it and she gave me the tools to understand what actually eating healthy and being healthy is.

Rest in peace Sarah, you were one of a kind.

Oh m'Legs Ache

I got to the gym today and decided to do some leg lifting for the first time in a long time.  This chick was next to me showing me how its done.....ok maybe not, but holy balls my freaking legs are sore already.  Pure agony.

On the nutrition and weight front, I'm doing good, down 20 pounds and feeling like a champ.  Last night I let temptation get to me and I got into the Triscuits.  Triscuits are awesome but you can't eat just one of those babies, I think they were made by the devil to tempt me.

Holy Fatness

Yes, I'm fully aware that my posting hasn't been up to par lately and I apologize but I just haven't felt much like doing it.  On the good side, Beast Mode is still in full effect and as of this morning, I've dropped 18 pounds.  To give you an idea of how much 18 pounds of fat is, check out the photo above.  The chick in that photo is holding five pounds of fat so I've dropped nearly four of those suckers.  On the down side, I still need to lose another 25 pounds but hell, I'm well on my way!

Three Cheers For The Wife

We've got some people coming over today and that means a disaster for Beast Mode.  However, since nobody's here yet, I've been trying to keep it together and not go DEFCON 1 on the food.  So I had a healthy breakfast, and one hot dog for lunch but I was still not full and I was considering a second hot dog.  That's when my little lady, the wife, stepped in and got the save.  Turns out the wife had just made a tasty peach and vanilla protein smoothie (pictured above) with crushed ice in the Vitamix 5200 and that sucker was just what I needed.  The smoothie tasted just like a Pina Colada without the booze (unfortunately) and it did the trick for now.  Teamwork...that's what its all about.

Beast Mode Temporarily Suspended

It's labor day weekend baby and that means there will be somewhat of a Beast Mode stand-down.  The count right now is 14 pounds down so I may actually have the courage to take my shirt off today.  Stud says what?

If you want to know how to continue to eat healthy at holiday parties, don't ask me, ask the folks at Harvard:

http://harvardmagazine.com/2009/11/party-snacking-tips

There is Now Less of Me

Sorry I've been off the radar for a while, beast mode and job searching have been taking up a huge amount of time.  The good news is, I've lost 12 pounds in the past couple of weeks and I'm going full steam ahead with the workouts and eating right.

Instead of chowing down on delicious fast food and hooch all the time, I've been watching the booze intake and most of my meals look something like this:

That's right people, the kid is getting it done!

Help From Mrs. Beast Mode

This morning I did my ride to the gym, herculean upper body workout, and ride home routine.  It was a normal morning and I was feeling good about myself for going strong in Beast Mode.  As if the morning wasn't already good enough, I walked into the kitchen to make my protein smoothie and found the following:

That's right, before my wife took the kids to the beach for the day, she left a note on the refrigerator door of approved Beast Mode Snacks.  If that wasn't enough, I opened the refrigerator to get my spirulina and saw this inside:

Yes, the little woman even made me a Beast Mode style lunch so I would be sure to stay on track.  That's the kind of support a guy needs when he's trying to drop 40 pounds and get in shape.  Yes, some might take these notes as a clever way for the wife to tell me I'm a big fatass but not me, I'll take it at face value and roll with it.  The salad was awesome for the record.

Beast Mode Still in Effect

So far so good on Beast Mode activities.  I got up bright and early this am and did a four mile run so I could get it out of the way.  This is a photo of me, in pan, sweaty, and hot....but satisfied.

This afternoon, I'm meeting a friend for a 'quick beer' (10) at a Mexican restaurant.  I'm already psyching myself up for this.  Beast Mode is also about balance so I'm not worried about the beers too much but I am struggling with those free tortilla chips they give you.  Normally I can down about four or five bowls of those babies myself but I want to keep it under control.  I just checked with my friends at Nutritiondata.com and apparently a one ounce serving of tortilla chips is 137 caloires.  That isn't so good considering I probably eat 30 or 40 ounces in one sitting.  Hold me.

A Mighty Snack!

Ok, the title was a bit misleading.  A few years back when I saw a nutritionist who helped me lose 50 pounds (which I have subsequently gained back like a toolbox), I had a great conversation with her about snacking.  She told me on so many words that if I wanted a healthy middle o'the day snack, I should just let myself go wild and chow down on some almonds.  When I asked her what a suitable amount of almonds to snack on was, she told me ten..as in ten single almonds (pictured above).  Well I thought that was a complete joke and started calling her Princess Ten Almonds but, truth be told, she was right and I was healthy and looking mighty fine when I stuck with her program.  To that end, part of beast mode will involve eating her recipes and food suggestions.

Flash forward (or back maybe) to yesterday afternoon, when I was feeling powerful hungry for a snack.  I marched into the kitchen and busted out these ten almonds and tried to savor every bite.  I wasn't totally satisfied but that's expected when you're used to eating 6,000 calories per meal so I just sucked it up and went to go check on the kids.  That's when I saw this:

Sometimes my family is no help....and no, I didn't eat any chips

Activate Beast Mode

That's right, you heard it, I've activated Beast Mode.  The weight must come off, I must get serious, and that means healthy eating, next to no booze during the week, continue to exercise, and above all, no snacking at night...the killer of us all.

Part of Beast Mode is nutrition and I've been bad about eating breakfast when I should.  Since I'm riding to the gym around 9:00am today, I got up early and made a mega healthy beast smoothie.  The photo above is of my beast smoothie in front of my awesome X-Files poster.  Yes, I realize the photo looks like something you'd find in an envelope with a ransom note, but the lighting was bad and well, screw it.

Breakfast Stuff

Here's what I made the family for breakfast this morning, an awesome breakfast sandwich.  But is it healthy you ask?

Two slices of sourdough thins:  120 calories
Two eggs:  160 calories
Slice of cheese:  90 calories
Total:  370 calories

I'm guessing on calorie content, that's a pretty decent breakfast.  But what about the nutrition value of the ingredients?

According to Poindexter here at the Mayo clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/cholesterol/HQ00608/), eggs are high in cholesterol but fine if you don't eat too many of them.  Since they have awesome protein, I'm going with HEALTHY.

Sourdough bread?  According to this guy:  http://www.danreid.org/health-alerts-sour-dough-health.asp, not only is sourdough bread healthy, it is, after spirulina (yeahoo), the 'staff of life'.  I'm not too sure about that but I'm gonig to say sourdough bread, in moderate quantities, is slightly healthy...or NEUTRAL

Cheese?  There are billions of conflicting articles but according to this neutral site:  http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/dairy-and-egg-products/154/2 , the cheese is not so healthy, not horrible for you but not great either.  So we'll say slightly unhealthy.

I came up with a point to all of this while I was eating but then my youngest daughter spontaneously started singing a song she just made up called "Daddy's Armpits Are Hairy".  The lyrics are as follows:  DADDY'S ARMPITS ARE HAIRY!!!  DADDY'S ARMPITS ARE HAIIIIIRRRRYYYYY!!!....and so on and so on.

Long story short, my breakfast wasn't great for me but it wasn't bad for me.  I figure as long as I don't mow down one of my breakfast sandwiches all the time, I'll be doing just fine.

And one final thought, my armpits are indeed hairy

SPIRULINA SNEAK ATTACK!

Its been hotter than a well digger's asshole this past week so this morning I wanted to have something light and refreshing for breakfast.  I decided to make berry smoothies in the Vitamix 5200 for the family....the only thing is, I snuck some spirulina and protein powder in and didn't tell the kids.  Like a freaking 1978 Folgers instant coffee commercial around here!  POW!  Here's the video of my youngest giving it a shot.  The video ends abruptly because the wife called and it sent my phone into some kind of weird ass haywire mode that made the video stop.

Lunch Is Served

I've spent the last week having lunches that consisted of foods such as:  cheeseburgers, fries, noodles, pizza, and all other manner of high calorie greatness.  Now that I'm back home, its time to buckle down and stop the pigging out madness.  The wife prepared this fantastic healthy lunch for me.  It is a salad of artisan lettuce, chopped turkey breast, onion, and quinoa salad on top.  The strange thing is, after all the gorging I've done over the past week, I think the body is all off kilter.  My tum-tum feels full and satisfied but my brain is saying "Where are the fries dawg?" and "When does the ice cream start?".  I may have overdone it a bit over the past seven days.

Don't Judge

Here we are at Chilis in Monterey, CA and I ordered a small garden salad with balsamic vinaigrette but the waitress must have thought I said "I'll have the chicken crispers and a huge beer please!"  Oh well, I'm not one to make trouble so I just ate it...all of it.

The wheels have come off the cart folks.

Confessions of a Lunatic

This is what I had for lunch today.  A nice healthy turkey sandwich with pickles, artisan lettuce (whatever the hell that means), and a slice of Swiss cheese.  Yeah, the sourdough isn't 'perfect' but I was told by my nutritionist once that in the absence of whole grain, low glycemic bread, its a fair choice.  Anywho, the wife commented about how I had a healthy breakfast, went for a run, and followed it up with a healthy lunch.  I was about to just take her compliments and say thank you but I was overcome by guilt and the following words came out of my mouth  "Yeah, I'm feeling bad about eating a whole bag of jelly beans last night".

Now before you say "Well hey man, don't kill yourself, a bag of jelly beans is no big deal", just know when I say a bag of jelly beans, I'm not talking about the Halloween hand out kind of bag o'beans.  I'm not even talking about a movie theater size bag of jelly beans.  I'm talking about go down to Target and pick up a bag of jelly beans that should last you and your whole family a month size bag of jelly beans...and I ate the whole thing, by myself, while I was watching Destination Truth and The Daily Show.

I know, its shameful and embarrassing to admit to such a thing but I think the confession is cathartic and it gives you, my readers, a quick glimpse into the demons that plague me (demons that look like delicious jelly beans with little candy horns).  You're probably asking yourself just how one can sit down and eat a whole bag of jelly beans in one sitting and the answer is:  You just do it.  I'm not saying its easy to power down an entire bag of jelly beans, it takes dedication, discipline, and an unyielding commitment to the job, but what can I say, I'm that kind of guy, a professional.

Anyone know where I can get a good deal on insulin?

Tutti Fruity

I decided to have some of the organic fruits I got at the farmer's market for breakfast.  Thought it would be good to see if the kids had any insights or opinions on these majestic fruits:

The Dark Side of the Vitamix

Sometimes the Vitamix giveth and sometimes it taketh away.  The only thing I can say is, this horrid concoction was probably the most healthy Vitamix drink I've made so far.