Oh m'Legs Ache

I got to the gym today and decided to do some leg lifting for the first time in a long time.  This chick was next to me showing me how its done.....ok maybe not, but holy balls my freaking legs are sore already.  Pure agony.

On the nutrition and weight front, I'm doing good, down 20 pounds and feeling like a champ.  Last night I let temptation get to me and I got into the Triscuits.  Triscuits are awesome but you can't eat just one of those babies, I think they were made by the devil to tempt me.

What? Are We In China or Something?

I rode to the gym this morning with my buddy Mark and as we rolled up to the normally empty bike rack, this is the shit we saw waiting for us.  I had to wedge Serena in there like she was just some common bike that a normal person would ride.  What the hell is up with that crap?  It's cool and all that half of Orange County has decided they want to be like me and bike to the gym, but give the man his space!  I plan on filing a grievance.

Pipes Ahoy!

What?  You heard there was a massive explosion of testosterone and rage in Orange County today?  Oh..no need to worry, that was just me, doing a near record breaking upper body workout after riding Serena to the gym.  See folks, here's the dealio, I likes to pump some iron and I've gotten to be pretty good at it.  In the photo above, you can clearly see the business end of what was about to become a 185 pound bench press (six reps).  If the fact that I rode to the gym, THEN worked on the upper body doesn't set off a flood in your britches, then just know this...afterwards, I rode home too.  POW!

As impressive as all this sounds, I know full well that starting today, I'm headed into a weekend of complete excess.  I've got an all day kids pool party today, tomorrow we've got people coming over for a pool party/bbq and they will be staying over so we can watch the Euro 2012 final game.  It's going to be hotter than a well digger's asshole this weekend and that means there will need to be cool beverages.  Rumor has it, there may be some drinking and eating going on.  Therefore, I pledge to spend the weekend trying to completely undo any good I did with my exercise this week.  That is all.

Wild Animal Loose on the SART!

Ok, so maybe its not an animal loose on the SART but I have been known to have animal like characteristics, just ask the wife.

Anywhoo...just because I'm not working, it doesn't mean I can't still patrol the SART and be all manly bike dude looking good on Serena.  This morning I decided I needed to ride to the gym for my huge upper body workout.  I hit the SART around 6:10am so I had to activate the alien flasher rear light as well as Beamer 3 (front light) just in case.

Yes, that's me just before 7:00am, all alone, in the weight room, just getting ready to put on a one man pipes display.  I'm pretty sure other folks wanted to work out too but they were intimidated when they saw me go in.  Probably thought I'd be using all the iron and they'd have none to lift.  So I did a great workout post bike ride and was going strong, making it happen to the sound track from the movie 'Hair' (and yes, it was the movie, not the stage play.  Don't ask me how I know this, I just do).  I had just finished a set at maximum effort with Age of Aquarius blast in the background and I was feeling pretty good about myself, when all of a sudden, this tiny teenage girl comes in, knocks out an impressive set on the bench and then goes and fires off like 25-30 chin ups like they were nothing.  At this point, I decided to take my leave because lets face it, nobody likes a showoff and that girl was clearly trying to act like she was all that and I was simply not going to tolerate it.

The Low-down on the Gut

I was at a fund raiser carnival thing yesterday at my kid's school and while I was waiting in line for a sno-cone, one of my friends walked up to me holding a deep fried chimichanga and said hi.  After talking for a minute or two, he smacked me on the gut and said "Hey man, what's this, I thought you had this big workout thing going? You're starting to look like me!" (as he patted his own prominent beer gut with the hand that wasn't holding the massive chimichanga).  I explained to him that while I do workout on a very regular basis and with great vigor, you're pretty much not going to make any real progress unless you stop putting so much food and drink in your mouth.  This fact, that I thought was known to everyone, seemed to surprise my buddy.



Bottom line is, the science is in and there is no way anyone's going to lose weight unless they stop eating so much...me included unfortunately.  Some good points are made in this article from a Dr. at the Mayo Clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/weight-loss/AN01619).:

"The key to weight loss is burning more calories than you consume. Because 3,500 calories equals about 1 pound (0.45 kilogram) of fat, you need to burn 3,500 calories more than you take in to lose 1 pound. So if you cut 500 calories from your diet each day, you'd lose about 1 pound a week (500 calories x 7 days = 3,500 calories)."

Obviously, this is no shocking news to anyone but its important to just do the simple math.  3,500 calories is one pound.  I'd say the average workout for most people is roughly 500 calories burned.  So if you just bust out the old calculator, you'll note that fewer (and better) calories means a hell of a lot more than exercise if you're just considering weight loss.  Some food for thought below (pun intended):

• One can of coke is roughly 155 calories.  Say you have one of those babies per day, that's 1,085 calories or a little less than 1/3 of a pound per week added to your panza just for having one soft drink per day
• Chick Fil A - my favorite fast food by a mile and, as far as fast food goes, much healthier than other fast food joints.  One #5 (12 nuggets, small fry, and a medium coke) is 960 calories.  Three of those adds a pound to your fat ass or if you look at it another way, it takes two full cardio workouts (for most people) to burn off one of those delicious badboys.
• Just going to have a salad you say?  A grilled chicken Caesar salad at Chilis is 680 calories.  That's not very healthy...never mind the 22 grams of fat and a heart stopping 1,500 grams of sodium in that badboy.
• My buddie's chimichanga you ask?  According to my internet machine, there are 425 calories in a regular chimichanga.  The forearm sized chimi that my buddy was about to down was probably the size of three regular chimichangas so, even though they are delish, you're looking at three days of cardio to burn off that one chimi.
• Last but not least, our good buddy In-N-Out.  My usual, the #3 (Double double, fries, and a big coke) - Hold on to your hats and glasses folks because this $hit's about to get real!  1,265 calories.  Roughly three cardio workouts or a little over 1/3 pound straight to the old boilermaker.

Long story short, it's probably known by most but rarely thought about, but you can work out all you want and it won't do much for your weight unless you quit strapping on the feedbag and eating high quality food in normal sized portions.

Here's another good article on the subject:  http://technorati.com/lifestyle/article/best-healthy-weight-loss-plan-diet/

This concludes our lecture on the painfully obvious

Monday Musings

It was a gorgeous but cold morning on the SART today for my ride into work.  I'm feeling good about my exercise levels but my nutritional issues persisted this weekend...sort of.  Here is some rapid fire thoughts on this fine Monday morning:

• I'm planning on slowly mapping much of the SART on Google Maps through some program who's name currently escapes me.  You submit photos and in a month or so, they're posted on Google Maps street view (unless its a shot of your balls and then they won't post it because they're all prudish).  This shot is of the First Street underpass which I will call 'Flat Tire Gulch' because its the location where I've gotten two of my three flats.
• After my flat tire incident last week, I kept noticing a slight wobble on Serena's rear wheel.  The wobble wasn't huge so I didn't want to take Serena into the bike shop because I was afraid they'd laugh at me and think I was a total Nancy so I got on YouTube, saw an instructional on how to do wheel/spoke adjustments, tried it out, and within five minutes, Serena's back wheel was once again, straight as a honeymoon hard-on.  I rule!
• I wore the GPS watch this morning to see how fast I go, etc. on my ride.  I was surprised to find that I'm averaging about 17.5 mph on my ride in.  That's about a 2.5mph improvement over a month or so ago AND this was on a day following a five mile run!  BAM! My strength grows by the day and soon I'll be ready for the tour!
• Last but certainly not least, after my shower at the gym this morning, I scared some old timer away with one of my massive farts.  The dude was sitting on the bench next to me, just starting to take his shoes off to change, and I ripped one of those long and loud low growlers about a foot away from his head.  The old dude stopped changing, hopped up and quickly walked away like a dog who's been scared out of his sleep.  He shoots, he scores!

More Hot Gym Action

Today was a fantastic morning and Mark and I rode in again.  Feeling bullish to have a sunny day again, we rode fast and hard (double entendre intended) and made it to the gym in record time.  Since we had time to spare, we decided to hit the steam room (which we do even when we're late).  The problem was, for some reason, the normally empty steam room was more crowded than Taco Bell on Cinco de Mayo (makes zero sense but it makes me laugh).  To add to the lameness, some dip$hit old guy came in the room with shaving cream all over his bald noggin and began to shave his freaking head even though there were like four hundred of us in the sausage party that was the steam room.  This man who shaved his head is a complete moron to begin with as I frequently see him standing next to the TV, naked, with one leg up on a chair, holding his gut up and blow drying his balls with the community hair dryer.  I'm not making this up...completely true.

Now for some history.  There are several dudes, most of them old dudes, in our gym who find the need to talk at shouting level to whoever their with in the locker room.  Its annoying and it makes no sense and it makes me want to start punching people.  Mark and I always laugh about it but we never see the offenders because we're in a locker room with many rows of lockers (think library style but instead of books its rows of lockers that smell like old balls) so you can't see who's talking on the other rows.  The crazy thing is, when I was IN the shower with it running, I suddenly heard this eruption of noise and realized it was one of the shouting old men yelling his conversation to some poor sonofabitch who was two feet away from him.  "HEY BARNEY!  YOU BETTER GET IN THOSE SHOWERS!  ONCE IT TURNS EIGHT O CLOCK THOSE GUYS FROM THE POOL COME IN HERE AND TAKE UP ALL THE DAMN SHOWERS! GET IN THERE BARNEY!  I'LL WAIT!!!!"  So, I quickly finished washing hogzilla in the shower so I could get out and see who it was that yells every freaking morning.  Sure enough, I got out of the shower and walked into the main locker room to see the guy who shaved his head in the steam room standing there, yelling at some horrified looking guy, while he had a leg hiked up and was blow drying his nuts.

What is wrong with people?