Pissed

I went out to the garage yesterday to get on Serena and ride the SART to the gym for my Monday morning workout and this is what I saw...another motherscratching flat tire!  FLARG!!!!

I figured instead of ordering more Avenir tubes and getting frequent flats, I'd head on down to The Path bike shop to support my local business.  Unfortunately for me, I walked into The Path during what is apparently 'Bong 30' or something like that because there were at least eight people working and all of them appeared to be completely baked out of their minds.  I took one look around, realized this wasn't the typical weekend crew of hardened bike folks so I decided to try and help myself.  Here's what I found when I got to the shelf where they keep their tubes:

Yes, a complete unholy mess of shit, none of which matched the size tube I had.  Anywho, I got some guy to help me out.  The guy who works at the shop told me they didn't have my size and gave me another one and said (say this like Spicoli in your mind) "Deed, tubes totally stretch mahhn.  You'll be fine with this one brah." and then he just stared literally through my skull.  I think I maxed out his limited brain power at the time.  Anyway, normally I'd just bail on a place but I love the Path and figured it was 2:00pm on a Monday so maybe they didn't have their A players working.  I paid six bucks for my tube and got outta there.

Once I got home, I decided to do some research and discovered that the issue is more likely my tires than my tubes.  I read a couple of folks recommending these things called 'Continental Gatorskins' but I have no idea whether or not they'll work on my bike because It's damn near impossible to figure any of this shit out.

Why the hell cant' they make tires like shoes or something where you just say a size fucking 10 and everyone knows what you're taking about.

Midwest Rider

Just because I'm not currently riding my bike, that doesn't mean the global influence of the Gut Chronicles isn't going strong.  I just heard from my buddy Dave in Cincinnati that he's riding through some corn fields

Here's Dave, riding through the cornfields of the Buckeye State.  He's 20 miles into his ride and he's got no tire kit.  That's Dave for you, living on the mother freaking edge!  Dave's not worried though because Dave's a man's man.  Dave shoots deer, builds things, and takes pride in the damage he does to Starbucks restrooms throughout this great land of ours.  Knowing Dave, if he gets a flat, he'll fashion a tire out of corn husks, slaughter some wild beast and use its still warm lungs as a makeshift air pump to inflate his corn tires.  Dave cannot be stopped.

Here's Dave eyeballing some cows.  Those cows better watch out!  If Dave gets hungry, he might just eat one of them and I don't even want to discuss what might happen to one of those cows if Dave gets horny!

Ride on Dave!  Ride ON!

Monday Musings

It was a gorgeous but cold morning on the SART today for my ride into work.  I'm feeling good about my exercise levels but my nutritional issues persisted this weekend...sort of.  Here is some rapid fire thoughts on this fine Monday morning:

• I'm planning on slowly mapping much of the SART on Google Maps through some program who's name currently escapes me.  You submit photos and in a month or so, they're posted on Google Maps street view (unless its a shot of your balls and then they won't post it because they're all prudish).  This shot is of the First Street underpass which I will call 'Flat Tire Gulch' because its the location where I've gotten two of my three flats.
• After my flat tire incident last week, I kept noticing a slight wobble on Serena's rear wheel.  The wobble wasn't huge so I didn't want to take Serena into the bike shop because I was afraid they'd laugh at me and think I was a total Nancy so I got on YouTube, saw an instructional on how to do wheel/spoke adjustments, tried it out, and within five minutes, Serena's back wheel was once again, straight as a honeymoon hard-on.  I rule!
• I wore the GPS watch this morning to see how fast I go, etc. on my ride.  I was surprised to find that I'm averaging about 17.5 mph on my ride in.  That's about a 2.5mph improvement over a month or so ago AND this was on a day following a five mile run!  BAM! My strength grows by the day and soon I'll be ready for the tour!
• Last but certainly not least, after my shower at the gym this morning, I scared some old timer away with one of my massive farts.  The dude was sitting on the bench next to me, just starting to take his shoes off to change, and I ripped one of those long and loud low growlers about a foot away from his head.  The old dude stopped changing, hopped up and quickly walked away like a dog who's been scared out of his sleep.  He shoots, he scores!

Official Tire Changing Time: 15 Minutes

I finally got up the old 'Sackaroo' to go out to the parking lot here at the workplace and change Serena's flat tire.  Here she is...on her back.  The clock was running at this point and my hands were dirty.

Innertube replaced, tire going back on the rim, pump in hand ready to get pumping.  I was filthy at this point but I timed it just right for a trip to the gym so I could workout and then take a vigorous shower.

There she is.  Dirty as hell (which is how I likes 'em) but good as new.  I keep thinking there's a very slight wobble in the tire but I can't really tell for sure.  Could be that the wheel needs to be trued or it could just be my insane paranoia.  Good thing is, Mark is riding with me today so I'll take off when he leaves to ensure I've got a riding partner on the SART.  From flipping Serena on her back, to pumping about 180 times, to wiping up, total time was 15 minutes.  Not bad when you're talking about working on the rear end!

FLARG!

Yes loyal Gut Chronicles readers, this morning, after my green smoothie, I got another flat.  Luckily for me, this time the flat didn't happen on the SART, instead, when I came out of the gym after my shower, I noticed a flat. I had to walk Serena 1/4 mile to work but now I'm sitting here with the knowledge that I have to change my rear wheel tire in my work clothes at some point this morning.  This my friends is a total bitch for me!

This is my 3rd flat in about a year and, according to my research, that's a pretty average number so I guess its something I'm just going to have to learn to get good at.  As is the case with all learning, I went to YouTube to get instruction on how to change the rear wheel and the best methodology for changing a flat tire (see below).  Once I get the gumption up to go out and change my mother scratching tire again, I'll time it and let everyone know how I did.

Rear wheel vid:




And the tire changing vid: