SART Offense!

I got up this morning, rolled my unemployed ass out of bed, had three cups of coffee, got on Serena and then hit the SART for a ride to the gym so I can continue to increase my upper body strength while ignoring the obvious fact that I should eat a lot less and what do I see?  This shit (above).

I come rolling up at like 60 or 70mph and lo and behold, there's a traffic jam on the SART being caused by some dude holding a freaking stop sign while his buddies try to build a bridge.  Well...pardon me sir, didn't realize you holding a sign means I have to stop!  I can't believe the balls on that guy!  You can't stop me on the SART, I am King of the SART and I make the rules!

Anyway, I didn't feel like taking on 25 construction workers so me and three guys on road bikes hightailed it up that access road to the left, rode over the bridge being built, got on the dirt path side of the SART, and rode down one more bridge and then got back on the actual SART itself.  A major inconvenience I should say!  Long story short, I still made it to the gym, knocked out insane amounts of lifting, and then rode home.  All is well, now its time for me to eat.

Side note...the two chicks on beach cruisers are something I see frequently on the SART.  They're clearly heading to Huntington Beach because its only about eight miles from the point where the above photo was taken.  Problem is, the wind really picks up, you have tons of up and down bridges to go under, and then you have to pedal your single gear heavy bike back with a pound of sand grinding away on the inside of your ass cheeks.  Nice job girls, way to think things through.

Bike Jam 2012

I decided to get on Serena this morning and do a ride for my Saturday exercise.  I rode 15.25 miles at a brisk pace so I'm pretty proud of meself.  I chose to ride north on the SART this morning because I wanted to be able to pedal unobstructed for the full hour.  To my unpleasant surprise, I think the rest of Orange County decided to ride the SART this morning.  There were literally a couple thousand cyclists on the SART this am, it was nuts.

Most of this morning's riders were large packs of 30 or so dudes all going berserk on their road bikes.  Then there were a couple hundred casual riders who were doing their thing too.  The lame part was that there was a whole lot of expensive equipment out there moving waaaaay too slow and blocking the lanes.  Normally you just fly by these douchebags on two wheels but the SART was so busy this morning, you had to really wait for a golden opportunity to make a move.  Fortunately for me, Serena is awesome and I'm a total badass so everything worked out fine.  One guy got a little miffed that I passed him and two other people on a curve going uphill but screw him, he was in the way and the rule on the SART is survival of the fittest!

I looked up some stuff on cycling etiquette and there's some pretty good stuff for group rides (see link below) but very little on what the proper procedure is when you're solo and some assclown is taking up the whole lane and going too slow.

http://www.bamacyclist.com/articles/groupridetech.html

Wild Animal Loose on the SART!

Ok, so maybe its not an animal loose on the SART but I have been known to have animal like characteristics, just ask the wife.

Anywhoo...just because I'm not working, it doesn't mean I can't still patrol the SART and be all manly bike dude looking good on Serena.  This morning I decided I needed to ride to the gym for my huge upper body workout.  I hit the SART around 6:10am so I had to activate the alien flasher rear light as well as Beamer 3 (front light) just in case.

Yes, that's me just before 7:00am, all alone, in the weight room, just getting ready to put on a one man pipes display.  I'm pretty sure other folks wanted to work out too but they were intimidated when they saw me go in.  Probably thought I'd be using all the iron and they'd have none to lift.  So I did a great workout post bike ride and was going strong, making it happen to the sound track from the movie 'Hair' (and yes, it was the movie, not the stage play.  Don't ask me how I know this, I just do).  I had just finished a set at maximum effort with Age of Aquarius blast in the background and I was feeling pretty good about myself, when all of a sudden, this tiny teenage girl comes in, knocks out an impressive set on the bench and then goes and fires off like 25-30 chin ups like they were nothing.  At this point, I decided to take my leave because lets face it, nobody likes a showoff and that girl was clearly trying to act like she was all that and I was simply not going to tolerate it.

Where the SART Meets the Sea!

I decided last night that today was the day I was going to ride Serena all the way to the sea where the SART begins and then ride back to the gym before work.  When I woke up this morning I looked outside to see what was what and to my pleasant surprise, there wasn't a cloud in the sky.  I got my shit together and I was off to explore the far reaches of the SART and get some extra miles in on what could be the finest day of the year.

First off, I noticed right away, the SART gets a whole lot nicer as you get closer to the beach.  Once you're out of Santa Ana and into Costa Mesa, bums, graffiti, and thugs are replaced with people on high end cycles, people walking fancy dogs, and young chicks going for their morning jogs in their $400 workout clothes.  The Costa Mesa to Huntington Beach leg of the SART is like vacation SART and my home section of the SART is like battle zone SART.

Even though the extra leg of my ride this morning added a total of 12 miles to the ride, it was well worth it and after about 45 minutes, I had arrived at the spot where the Santa Ana 'river' meets the mighty Pacific

The spot where PCH crosses the SART in Huntington Beach

I rode Serena out onto the sand to get some sea air into my lungs and to try and take a few pictures without looking like a total doofwad:

Yours truly, pleased with myself after riding the SART to the ocean before work

After a quick rest, I turned around and headed back to the gym so I could wash my sweaty ass before work.  I've gotta admit the ride to the ocean was really fun and is something I'll probably do again on a semi regular basis.  Not only is it a great ride, its pretty satisfying to know you're getting in over an hour of exercise before you even get to work.

Morning greatness on the SART near its beginning in Huntington Beach

Best of all, when I finished my ride, I was surprised to discover my ass wasn't sore, my legs felt just fine, and my speed was pretty good the entire 18.5 miles.  I'd be lying if I didn't feel like I was a freaking bike pro!

In case you've ever wondered where the SART begins, this is it.  Maybe someday I'll head north and find out where the SART ends.

Dangerous Dealings Friday

One of the great things about riding the SART is you never know what you're going to get.  One day, the SART can be forgiving  and beautiful, on another day, the SART can be a pain in the ass, and then there's other days, like today, where the SART is a lawless rut cutting its way through Orange County where obstacles abound and normal rules don't apply.

When it comes to riding the SART, I've come to learn that its an organic process each day meaning that if it starts out weird, its going to stay weird.  Case in point, this morning, not one minute after I hopped on Serena and started riding away from home, this nutty looking old man in a stupid hat carrying bright pink dumbbells waved at me and I could swear he blew me a kiss.  Now I don't know if the dude was just a nutty old timer or he was trying to gay marry me or what (gay marriage is currently a hot topic and I'm trying to optimize my search rankings so I thought I'd throw it in there), but I knew the strange start to my ride meant it was going to be strange the whole way.

The construction on the First Street bridge was going on (pictured above) but they didn't block the SART from going under it today so I just kept on trucking.  Unfortunately for me, on every other day, the construction workers sweep the debris from the bike path but for some reason, on this day, it looked like they actually TRIED to spread all kinds of debris across the path.  I nearly busted my breaks slowing down and looking for nails and whatnot (I'm not sure if they use nails on a concrete bridge but I wasn't going to take any chances because how the hell would I know?  What am I, one of the Village People or something?).

The debris under the First Street bridge put me on high alert but I kept pedaling.  Right after First Street, I was cruising along and I saw these two punks walking side by side, completely blocking the SART.  Normally I'd think it was just one of the clueless masses, but one of the punks actually made eye contact with me and gave me a look that said he wasn't moving.  I'm all about giving peace a chance but for some reason this kid really pissed me off so I decided to make sure he understood he was fucking with the wrong guy.  I sped up and headed straight at the defiant teen (the cycling equivalent to backing someone off the plate).  There was a brief moment where the punk stayed defiant, but then it was clear that we both realized the simple facts of this case:  He was on foot and moving slowly, I was 250 pounds of helmet wearing anger coming at him at about 20mph on a large metal object, and lets face it, we both knew that nobody would come looking for a douchebag like him for at least three days if he went missing, so he did the smart thing and moved aside.  I wanted to fart when I passed the punk but I didn't have anything in the on-deck circle so he lucked out.

Last but certainly not least (is this post long enough yet?), I was getting pretty close to the gym and going at full speed when I noticed an ancient SART Jawa in the trough part of one of the underpasses walking all over the path, looking at something on the other side of the riverbed with her mouth open.

 Covered from head to toe, the native SART Jawa is a frequently seen inhabitant of the SART

It should be noted that SART Jawas can't be classified by race, gender or age in general but this particular one was an elderly Asian lady (photo above is not the SART Jawa I nearly ran over).  I should have slowed down to be as safe as possible but I was a little leg weary and I didn't want to be at a standstill when I hit the uphill part of the underpass so I yelled 'Look out!' at the SART Jawa.  She didn't respond at all.  I started drawing closer and was moving at an alarming rate of speed so I yelled again 'LOOK OUT!!!'.  Still nothing.  As it got to the point where I realized I needed to make something happen or I'd be hosing old lady off my bike, my super bike riding senses kicked in, I calculated who I was dealing with and changed my tactic and gave it one last ditch effort:  'NI HAO!!!!!'  Ni Hao is the only Chinese I know and lucky for me that old broad understood it and got the hell out of the way faster than any person over 70 I've ever seen!  Disaster averted and I managed to make it to the gym safe and sound completing my fifth consecutive ride to work this week during National Bike Month!  Hell yes! 

SART Blockage!

Me, this morning, in my garage, not feeling it

I'm not going to lie, I didn't feel like mounting Serena and riding the SART to work this morning but I'm bound and determined to ride this entire week.  Luckily for me, Mark was riding with me this morning so I didn't have the option of being a quitter and driving to work.  I was leg weary, bitter, and suffering from intense gas, but I still managed to climb aboard and make it happen.

I realized yesterday that riding every single day to work AND going to the gym at lunch requires an alarming amount of clothing so, since I was totally unmotivated last night, and didn't want to do anything this morning, I packed the same gym clothes I wore yesterday.  Screw it, who cares if I smell like a dirty asshole when I go work out at lunch, that's everyone elses problem and they should respect the fact that I'm barely hanging on here.

Mark and I took off and were having a nice ride when all of a sudden, we came to the First Street bridge and saw that the SART was closed on both sides of the bridge.  Some salt of the earth, blue collar dude approached us and said "YOU GUYS CAN'T RIDE HERE TODAY.  THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A SIGN BACK THERE SOMEWHERE.  WE'LL LET YOU GET OFF HERE BUT YOU'VE GOTTA HEAD OVER DOWN THERE TO JACKSON AND RIDE THAT WAY!".  First, why was he yelling?  Second, there was no sign and 'back there' is entirely too vague.  Third, I have no clue whatsoever where Jackson is and how I was supposed to get to it.  So we got the hell off the SART, and onto the busy congested street and looked for Jackson.

Upon finding Jackson, we discovered that it runs through a shitty neighborhood and right past a school where apparently all the parents completely ignore any and all traffic rules.  I could tell Mark had had enough and he just took off, weaving through the cars, wrong side of the road, kicking school children, trying to get back to the SART as quickly as possible.  It was a bad scene and we needed to get the hell outta there.

Finally we found our way back to the SART and got to the gym so I could sit in the steam room and listen to Mark rip farts and make comments on them.  I have to admit, for whatever reason, when someone comments on their own farts and they have an English accent, its more amusing than a regular American guy commenting on his farts.  After a quick steam, I took a half assed shower, didn't shave, and rode on to work.

I guess life just has a way of balancing out because yesterday was a great day for a ride, the stuff that riding dreams are made of, and today was pretty much a giant shit sandwich.  Such is life.

Greatest Day Ever on the SART

What a fine morning to make it happen on National Bike Month!  Just look at the blue sky over the SART

Both directions on the SART were beaver wide open and looking good.  Couldn't ask for a better day for a ride.

A little something for the ladies here, yours truly, mayor of the SART, the world's foremost bike commuter.

This guy is making a point of telling us all to 'Free the Homies'.  I'm not sure who said homies are, where they're not experiencing freedom, and what is required to free them, but sure, I'm down with you, lets free the homies!

It's National Bike Month!

Yes folks, you read the header right, May is National Bike Month and here's me all pumped up for another ride on the SART to work.  My riding partner this morning was Mark and since I was waiting for him, I decided it was a good time to take several photos of myself like some horny 15 year old girl looking for a desperate man online.  Unfortunately, out of the 17 photos I snapped, this beauty was the best of the bunch so enjoy!

In honor of National Bike Month, I plan on riding to work every day this week so hopefully no meetings or happy hours that would require me to not ride present themselves.

Oddly enough, traffic on the SART has been surprisingly light this week, especially when you consider the fact that National Bike Month is in full effect.  What's wrong with the cyclists of Orange County?  Too good to ride during cycling's biggest hallmark holiday?

The ride in this morning was uneventful but refreshing as usual.  Best of all, the last two days have been slow at the gym so the showers are wide open, the sauna doesn't have a bunch of weirdo cretins in it, and the old men who yell when they talk are nowhere to be found.  Hell yes!

So you heard it here folks...National Bike Month!  Now get on your bikes and get to it.

Paint Wars on the SART

I took to the SART this morning and to my surprise, there had been a major move on the part of the city to take back the SART.  As far as the eye could see, the city had replaced tagging with their own cover up paint (above).  Miles and miles of covered over street urchin vandalism had been diligently covered on Saturday and Sunday.  Yeah there were a few eager beavers who had gotten out last night and tried to put their tags back in their appropriate spots (not sure how they determine which spot is the right spot), but by and large, the massive paint offensive mounted by Santa Ana had done its job.  I'm not sure if this is good work by the city or another example of spending local government funds on an exercise in futility but at least it made me happy.

On top of the ride being mostly graffiti free, I noticed at least double the normal number of bums camping under the 5th street bridge.  As I rode under, something told me they'd had a big night last night as several of the bums were clearly walking off a major hangover.  I don't know if they were celebrating the Laker's victory or a full weekend of Cinco De Mayo action but the lads under the 5th Street bridge had clearly done a fine job of making it happen last night!

Back in Town and Back on the SART

Ahh yes, nothing like being back home, waking up in the morning to a delicious fruit smoothie and taking to the SART.  Since I've been on the road quite a bit, the wife decided to make a super charged super food breakfast with spinach, goji berries, cinnamon, mango, strawberry, banana, and my good friend Mr. Spirulina.

After I powered down my breakfast beverage, I hopped on Serena and started riding.  As an added bonus, my buddy Jed decided he's going to ride the SART with me from time to time and today was his first day.

Here's Jed, making it happen, on his virgin run on the SART this morning.  Jed's been off the exercise circuit for quite some time but he seemed to enjoy the ride and the sights, sounds, and smells of the SART.  He's got to ride about four miles before we meet up so I'm interested to see how he feels about the ride home this afternoon.  That's the thing about commuting by bike, once you get on the bike and start riding, you're fully committed for the day.  Whether he's in pain or not, I'm sure he's feeling good about burning several hundred  calories, being green, and saving a few bucks in gas all before work even starts.

On the ride, we kept at an even pace and didn't try to go full Tour De France on his first ride.  A couple of times along the ride I stood up on the pedals and crop dusted Jed but I don't think he noticed since he was focused on pedaling but hey, nothing says friendship like a nice fart in the face when you're taking in lots of air!

Well done Jed....well done!

Monday Musings

It was a gorgeous but cold morning on the SART today for my ride into work.  I'm feeling good about my exercise levels but my nutritional issues persisted this weekend...sort of.  Here is some rapid fire thoughts on this fine Monday morning:

• I'm planning on slowly mapping much of the SART on Google Maps through some program who's name currently escapes me.  You submit photos and in a month or so, they're posted on Google Maps street view (unless its a shot of your balls and then they won't post it because they're all prudish).  This shot is of the First Street underpass which I will call 'Flat Tire Gulch' because its the location where I've gotten two of my three flats.
• After my flat tire incident last week, I kept noticing a slight wobble on Serena's rear wheel.  The wobble wasn't huge so I didn't want to take Serena into the bike shop because I was afraid they'd laugh at me and think I was a total Nancy so I got on YouTube, saw an instructional on how to do wheel/spoke adjustments, tried it out, and within five minutes, Serena's back wheel was once again, straight as a honeymoon hard-on.  I rule!
• I wore the GPS watch this morning to see how fast I go, etc. on my ride.  I was surprised to find that I'm averaging about 17.5 mph on my ride in.  That's about a 2.5mph improvement over a month or so ago AND this was on a day following a five mile run!  BAM! My strength grows by the day and soon I'll be ready for the tour!
• Last but certainly not least, after my shower at the gym this morning, I scared some old timer away with one of my massive farts.  The dude was sitting on the bench next to me, just starting to take his shoes off to change, and I ripped one of those long and loud low growlers about a foot away from his head.  The old dude stopped changing, hopped up and quickly walked away like a dog who's been scared out of his sleep.  He shoots, he scores!

Getting Back On It

Last night was a huge rain and hail storm that made me think the apocalypse was upon us but we made it through.  Undaunted by the wet conditions and filled with resolve to get my ass back on track, I took to the SART again this morning for my bike commute to work.  As you can see, the mighty SART was flowing with water from the storm.  The problem was, I got extremely wet and dirty from all the water and debris on the trail and there were several times where water was splashing up in my face going through the underpasses when I was convinced that said water was bum pee I was probably contracting conjunctivitis from a bum's dick.  Makes me sad.

On to bigger and better things.  I weighed in this morning, had a healthy smoothie made of spinach, Greek yogurt, spirulina, and all sorts of other goodness.  I plan on making some changes that should get me back on the right path to fitness.  Mainly:

• Consume more water - I've been bad about that
• No snacking or drinking booze during the week
• Start bringing a healthy lunch to work again

I realize this is the 453rd time I've decided to 'get back on track', but dammit, this $hit is tough!

Stand And Deliver!

As if life isn't hard enough, I got an email from Captain Tim yesterday telling me that I need to watch out on the SART during my daily commute because there are hooligans taking people down and robbing them on the very stretch where I ride.  Supposedly over the past couple of months there have been groups of guys (three) lying in wait on the SART, jumping unsuspecting cyclists, grounding and pounding said cycling victims, and then stealing their bikes and gear.  Not to worry though, last week the Santa Ana Police Department reported that they had conquered evil:

"During the past two months there have been several robberies on the Santa Ana Riverbed in Santa Ana between 17th Street and Edinger. The robbers mostly target lone riders, usually between 6PM and 8PM. The good news is that on Sunday, February 6th, three of the robbers were caught. We showed their photos to some of the other victims who identified them as being responsible in multiple robberies. SAPD is confident that the primary robbery suspects are in custody. That said, the riverbed borders several gang territories, so riders should use appropriate caution and when possible, ride in pairs during evening hours."

Awesome work guys!  Wait...what's that?  We have late breaking news!  According to Roadbike.org, just a little over a week ago:

"...on a Saturday afternoon (this is bold) at 2:30 pm a rider was knocked down by three guys at the 1st undercrossing. He was beaten and robbed of his bike, iPhone, and gear bag. His bike was a brand new Trek Madone. It seems these criminals use a spotter to ID expensive bikes and call ahead to tip off their partners in crime"

What is this, 18th century France or something where roving bands of highwaymen beat and rob weary travelers?  What kind of crap is this?

On another note, good thing SAPD is doing its normal great work  Reminds me of a time several years ago when my car was stolen from in front of my house.  I was told by SAPD that I had to file a police report over the phone because nobody was hurt and they don't have time to actually show up for every crime.  Reminds me of all the spray paint I see all over the place too that nobody ever seems to stop even though said spray paintings look like they took more time to complete than the Sistine Chapel.  And my neighbors who report being burglarized.  Oh yeah, and all the other stuff that goes in in our fine city.

I'm not saying our boys in blue suck royal balls, but each and every day when I ride the SART, I see people drinking booze, large groups of guys spray painting, menacing dudes just hanging out, and all manner of criminal activity.  The fact is, I could throw a rock and hit someone involved in criminal activity on the SART just about every day.  The fact that SAPD caught three dudes who mugged people and crowed about it is pretty pathetic.  The fact that they have a clearly defined area where people are being mugged in broad daylight and SAPD acknowledges that the area is surrounded by 'SEVERAL' gang territories means they know there is a very high concentration of criminals right there....yet the criminals feel confident enough to take people down in broad daylight.  Nice work boys...nice work.

I'm guessing the SART robbers don't look as dashing as Adam Ant in his Stand and Deliver video

Looks like its time for me to go full Chuck Norris on people and set things right on the SART for the 2nd time this year (You'll remember that earlier in the year my presence on the SART caused the homeless serial killer to move a bit north and make a mistake which led to his capture).  You're welcome Santa Ana Police!  Now that you've got me doing the heavy lifting, maybe you can catch the person who keeps spray painting giant dicks on my neighbors cars. Geeeez

Storm's Brewing....IN MY PANTS

Batten down the hatches matey, we've got a nor'easter coming our way!  So far we've been lucky enough to only have rain today when we weren't riding our bikes.  However, forecast says there's an 80% chance of rain starting around 3:00pm and this is what the sky looked like as I left the gym at lunch (That's right bitches, two bike rides AND a run at lunch.  Don't hate the player, hate the game).  There is virtually no doubt about it, we'll be riding home in the rain.  Yes!  A new challenge and something to spice up this boring day.  I took the low rent precaution with Serena while I was in the gym:

As I sit here eating my east meets west lunch (turkey chili and tonkastu), I have to admit I'm hoping the skies open and it pours like a motherscratcher.  I want the worst the SART has to offer on this miserable day.  I want to look death in the eye and laugh a mighty defiant laugh.  I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE!!!!

Side note:  For the record, I have no idea why I added 'In My Pants' to the title of this post, it just seemed like the thing to do

Some Actual Biking Stats....

I dug up the old Polar GPS watch this morning and set it to bike mode so I could check my speed on the ride in to work.  Don't laugh, but I was impressed with my average speed of 15.5mph.  On the surface that's not flying like Lance but when you consider that nearly two miles of my six mile ride were through neighborhoods, that's some pretty fancy riding baby!

On another good note, I'm starting to get the family more and more into riding instead of driving on weekends.  We actually made a family ride to Target so the kids could pick up Valentine's cards for their classmates.  The wife got some food and cleaning supplies on top of the Valentine's cards so I had a full load on Serena for the ride home.  We're saving the earth by riding our bikes to the store to buy cheap and unnecessary Chinese goods made in sweatshops that have inhumane working conditions.  Wait what?

On the weight loss side, this weekend was a disaster from Friday through Sunday but hey, it was Superbowl weekend and I've proven that when it comes to food and drink, I'm weaker than Wes Welker's alligator arms so who cares.

Side note, I'm thinking about upgrading my ride to something like the one pictured above.  Sexy and it goes with the part of town I live in.

What A Freaking Day for a Ride!

I woke up this morning just raring to go since the sun was out and the weather's supposed to be warming up.  My ride started off a little rough because I came face to face with some angry wench who looked like she'd been ridden hard and put up wet the night before.  She seemed to think that me trying to cross the street with a green light AND the crosswalk signal green was a massive insult and that she should be able to turn left right in front of me.  That Starbucks sucking harpy came within a few feet of Serena and me.  I was about to go full 'Palo Alto Bike Commuter' on this woman.  I could feel my middle finger just straining to rise to its full length and make its presence known before her vacant eyes but I decided that on this morning, peace would be a better way so I just stopped my bike right in front of her car and stared at her as if to say "I hate you" and then rode on.

Once I got to the SART, all was well (photo above).  The traffic on the trail was light, there were gulls on the wing, and the group of bums I see every morning sharing a forty weren't huddled together for warmth as usual; instead, they had a casual air about them and an look of optimism in their eyes.  Ahh yes, all was right with the world as I cranked up the iTouch since Fear's classic hard punk song 'I Don't Care About You' came on the playlist and headed for work.

About halfway to the office, right in the middle of Milk Inc.'s cover of 'The Sun Always Shines on TV' I was overtaken from behind (get your mind out of the gutter) by Captain Otto VonRoadbike seen in the photo above...from a distance.  All of a sudden I found myself sprinting and in a speed duel with this guy.  The duel only lasted for a good two or three seconds before he blew me away but trust me when I say...for that brief period or time, the guy on the road bike was pretty worried about the mighty force that is Serena and me.  After I spent all my energy on two seconds of bike battle fury, I didn't have much left in the tank so I took'er slow for the rest of the way in and just enjoyed the morning.

Back on the Commute Baby!

The rain has subsided and its a glorious morning!  It was time to get my arse back on Serena and commute to work again.  Before I hit the trail, I needed to enjoy my breakfast (above).  I know I've said it before but the Vitamix 5200 is pretty damn amazing.  That mofo turned all that fruit and veg into complete liquid.  My only concern was that the wife told me just before I got on the bike for 30 min of vigorous exercise that when she researched a juice fast online they suggested that one stays very near the toilet for the first two days....not exactly a comforting thought but oh well, it wouldn't be the first time I $hit my pants and it certainly wouldn't be the last!

I was already excited that I got to get back on the bike for my commute to work but as an added bonus, my buddy Mark is going to start riding more often as well.  He's got about 4.5 miles to go to get to my house and he's like 87 years old or something but he thinks he can handle it. The photo above is Mark, happy and invigorated after our morning ride, er0tic sauna session, and shower.  You can just see the life and vitality in his face.

As a side note, there was a slight change in my routine this morning.  Since I was riding with someone, I didn't need to wear shorts with pockets for my iTouch so I went with my new bike shorts and ultra tight leggings.  That's right Gut Chronicles fans...today was national 'Check out my hot package day' on the SART.

Spa Day For Serena

I've been reading a lot about bike commuting lately and one thing that keeps coming up is how you should keep your bike clean in general and make sure you keep your chain clean and lubed (tee hee).  So, since I've never once washed Serena I decided today was a good day to give her a spa day.

As is the case with just about anything I do these days, my first stop was to go on YouTube and watch a demo.  The first one was by some woman who seemed like a self righteous wench so I ended up following one by a dude who seemed pretty cool and ran a bike shop in Texas.  After acquiring the needed knowledge, I went outside to do some proper bike cleaning.

There's Serena, all naked and ready for her bath.  I know Serena looks spectacular just how she is, but if you look close, she's pretty filthy (below)

I figured washing my bike should be pretty much like washing a car so I got all the car washing crap out of the garage and got to it.  In no time flat, Serena was clean as a whistle and lookin better than ever:



Next step was cleaning and lubing the chain.  Yes, I said lube.  I didn't want Serena to rest on the hard ground so I got a couple of my kids pool floaties and put Serena on those so she'd be comfy for when I lubed her up....hahahahha

I didn't think I needed fancy and expensive bike cleaner stuff and tools so I used the greatest product ever made on Earth:  Simple Green and a toothbrush.

Wow!  Look how filthy that toothbrush is.  The scary part is I hadn't used it on Serena yet, that's just from brushing my teeth.

Now that there is a clean chain baby!  The amount of gunk the Serena's chain had accumulated was a shocker

Check out that filth (above).  Serena was clean and on her back, now it was time to lube her up and get busy (so great)....Lube shown was compliments of Captain Tim.  This shit ain't just flow lube, its TRI-flow lube.  That's like three times just regular lube.

While I was lubing Serena and cranking her chain, I noticed her back wheel seemed to have a wobble.  After checking YouTube again, I determined that Serena's wobbler is an out of shape wheel that needs to be 'Trued' (whatever the fuck that means) so, I was off to Orange Cycle to get my girl fixed up. 

When I walked in to Orange Cycle and explained what I was looking for to the dude, he said "Jour wheel ees a crooked, deed jew get ehit by a car?" I told him I had not been hit by a car, then he looked at my gut, we had an uncomfortable silence and he told me he could fix Serena so he took her in back.  Dude didn't even compliment me on the lube job I did...where's the love?

While I was inside Orange Cycle, I saw the newer model of Serena.  This badboy has front and back disc breaks.  I loves my bike, but DANG that's a sexy ride.

I also took a peek in the fashion section at Orange Cycle to see if I could get some ideas on getting a better riding look.  They had bike shorts that were attached to shoulder straps like one of those wrestling singlet things....very lame looking.  They also had lots of shirts like this little number.  I should get one of these in a small and wear it all the time to impress the ladies:

Half an hour and twenty-two bucks later, Serena was all fixed up and ready to roll again.  I loaded Serena in the van and got home to complete my final step in getting her all gussied up for this week's commute...checking my air pressure.  The tires were a tad low so I pumped'em up.  Looking at this photo I see that my Howard Huguesesque toenails could use some attention too. 

The whole Serena spa day experience took a hell of a lot longer than I thought it would but it demonstrates the importance of maintaining your ride.  Serena had a dirty, poorly lubricated chain, a wobbly wheel, and a broken spoke.  Who knows what would have happened on the SART this week if I had gone out with a poorly maintained Serena?  Chances are I could have broke down on the SART and then been claimed as a he-wife by one of those frisky bums living under the bridges.  Long live proper bike maintenance and long live Serena!



Recently, I read an post on commutebybike.com on 'claiming the lane' which means when you're riding on surface streets, you should ride IN traffic as opposed to on the sidewalk or on the right side of the road.  The authors of the post state that due to traffic laws in most states and safety statistics, you are safer if you're right in the middle of the lane as if you were a car or a motorcycle and in addition to that, legally, it is your right to be there just as much as its a car's right.  (for instance, its illegal to ride your bike on the sidewalk in CA.  The cops can give you a ticket)  Reading the commutebybike.com post made me think a lot about street riding and since I had to change my route slightly today and ride on the streets for an extra mile so I could drop some mail at the post office (above), I thought I'd give claiming the lane a try.

I started off by claiming the lane in the short ride through my neighborhood to the SART.  Within three minutes of beginning to ride, I turned around to see the world's biggest F-150 about two inches from my back tire and not letting up.  The doofus finally passed me on the left but I could tell he was trying to send some kind of message to me.  Whatever the case is, I nearly shat in my pants but I kept on riding.  Claiming the lane through residential streets proved to be uneventful the rest of the way to the SART and then I was traffic free for the next five miles.

The true test of claiming the lane came when I exited the SART to head to the post office.  I got off the SART and on to a major street right in the middle of morning commute.  When I first moved into the traffic lanes, there were no cars at all so I was feeling good, pedaling like a madman.  I had to turn left so I safely moved into the left lane and just kept cruising along....and that's when shit got crazy.  Next thing I knew, there was a wall of cars closing fast on me like a pack of wild dogs.  I was surprised the traffic was on me so fast since I had to be doing 50 or 60mph easily (more like 22mph) but whatever the case was, it was too late to un-claim the lane so I just kept on riding knowing that surely the cars would maneuver around me at a safe distance because the good folks at commutebybike.com said that's what good drivers will do and I have a right to be on the road and its safer.  Well, no offense to the good folks at commutebybike.com, but apparently the morning commuters in Orange County didn't really get the memo on my right to claim the lane.  If you've ever seen a video of a surfer getting completely engulfed by a huge wave, that's what happened to me, but instead of water and a surfer, it was my terrified ass and a wave of cars.  One beat up old Ford Probe got close enough to me that I could have kicked his window in when he passed.  The entire incident only lasted about 20 seconds but it was like there was a group effort by 20 or 30 cars to scare the ever loving shit out of me so bad that I'd never attempt to claim the lane again for the rest of my life.  Long story short, I'm alive and well but my first claiming the lane experience didn't go well at all and with all due respect to my fellow bike commuters who want the world to know we have rights too, I think I'll take my chances with the cops giving me a ticket for riding on the sidewalk next time.

Serena Owns The Night!

This grainy photo is of a bridge crossing the SART at night.  Yes folks, tonight was the first official commute home in the dark for Serena and I.  I've gotta say, riding in the dark gives a whole new demension to the bike commute home, the sound of the road under your tires, the shadowy figures in the distance, and the smell of homemade Mexican food coming over the backyard walls of the houses that line the SART.  Yes indeed folks,  I loved the night ride.

My Beamer 3 headlight did its job admirably and kept me out of harms way and I assume Blinky 3 in the back did its number because nobody rear-ended me while I had to ride on the streets.  All in all, the new gear I've put on Serena is a success.

Side note:  Now that the serial killer has been caught, the homeless guys have moved back under the bridges and its a little unnerving going full speed into the pitch black underpasses and hearing them doing whatever it is they do up there in the dark recesses of the bridge crevices.  Welcome home boys, welcome home.

Below is the darkness factor by the time I got home: