Master Craftsman of the Smoothie

Check it out, the first smoothie made my me in the Vitamix 5200.  I added lots of strawberries and grapes trying to make it red but the spirulina and kale just trumps everything so it was a green one with some silent red.  That baby went down real smooth after my bike ride.  Its good that I'm going healthy right now because I'll be going to Angels Stadium tonight with Captain Tim and the wives and I'm guessing there will be some beers consumed..

The Vitamix Rides Again!

This morning, I flew out of bed at 6:30am (pretty good for an unemployed dude) and went for a big run (three miles....which was tougher than it should have been for me) and was powerful hungry when I got home.    Since I'm master of my own destiny now I figured I better figure out how to use the Vitamix 5200 on my own.  So, just before my wife went to the gym, I ordered her to show me how to work the Vitamix at once.

I put way too much spirulina in so she took over from there adding cinnamon.(above)

After the powdery substances, you add the fruits, kale, and anything else you want to go in there.  At one point, the wife said "I need a banana" and I replied with "Whoooa babe!  The kids are awake!"  She doesn't think I'm funny.

This part is key...after you add all the ingredients, you put it on variable speed level 1 and turn it on.  Then...you gradually increase the Vitamix 5200 speed from 1 to 7 (Lord only knows what happens if you blast that sucker all the way to 10).  Once it gets going at level 7, you hit high and watch it just liquefy the shit out of everything in the container.

After about 30 seconds on high, you power down the Vitamix 5200 and you're left with a delicious and nutritious green smoothie.  The one above is extra green because of my spirulina overload.  This morning's smoothie had a very earthy taste to be sure.

Breakfast is Served

There she is folks, about a gallon of something the wife mixed up for me in the Vitamix 5200 this am.  So far this week has been great on the exercise front and much better than average on the nutrition and sleeping front.  Oddly enough, that means I've lost about three pounds in two days.  Strange how that works isn't it?

Today's pretty much going to be a bust because I've got this three hour shindig end of the year award ceremony at my kids' school and I'm taking one of them to lunch after that.  I may try to do an afternoon hyper-ride on Serena followed by swimming with the kids to at least get some exercise in.  At some point I should also try to look for a job too...but who wants to do that?

Btw, don't laugh about swimming with the kids as exercise.  Swimming with my kids is something like a combo between an MMA fight, trying to escape from a piranha attack, being drowned, and doing power lifting.  Its no joke.

Friday Musings on National Bike to Work Day

I'm just going to come right out and say it, I didn't bike to work on National Bike To Work Day, the 'work' part of the equation prohibited me from doing so (more like laziness).

Having said that, here are some hot Friday headlines:

• One of my buddies in Cincinnati is so inspired by my biking greatness that he decided to get his bike tuned up earlier this week and he went for a 14 mile ride this morning.  Highlights from his ride are a sore ass and he saw a giant turtle in the middle of the road.  I ask you, how much more excitement can you ask for on a Friday morning than a good ride and a turtle sighting?  Unless you're a Facebook employee on the day of Facebook's IPO (Search optimization says what?), your Friday can't get much better than that!
• Since I drove this morning, I took the opportunity to fill up the 2003 G35 with sport tuned suspension.  To my shock and horror, gas was $4.40 per gallon at COSTCO!  Holy freaking balls of fire that's a huge stack of cash!
• I've managed to get the wife to start making me green smoothies again for breakfast in the morning.  I swear on the eyes of my dead dog Penny that green smoothies (spinach, spirulina, fruit, etc.) are the way to go for breakfast.  I feel like a caged beast and my bowel movements are a thing of beauty!
• In the last two weeks, I've rode to work eight out of the ten work days.  On top of that, I've been to the gym nearly every day.  I've dropped a couple of pounds but my wine and snack consumption has been shocking.  I wish they'd have 'National Don't eat a box of Cheez-its and drink so much wine every night month'.  Then I'd be in business.
• Yesterday was a huge day for the Gut Chronicles.  I'm not sure why my hit count is increasing but if I can double the number of hits I get per day for 87 consecutive days and go from 45 page views to like 15 million per day, I can quit my job and become a full time blogger

That is all for now

Back in Town and Back on the SART

Ahh yes, nothing like being back home, waking up in the morning to a delicious fruit smoothie and taking to the SART.  Since I've been on the road quite a bit, the wife decided to make a super charged super food breakfast with spinach, goji berries, cinnamon, mango, strawberry, banana, and my good friend Mr. Spirulina.

After I powered down my breakfast beverage, I hopped on Serena and started riding.  As an added bonus, my buddy Jed decided he's going to ride the SART with me from time to time and today was his first day.

Here's Jed, making it happen, on his virgin run on the SART this morning.  Jed's been off the exercise circuit for quite some time but he seemed to enjoy the ride and the sights, sounds, and smells of the SART.  He's got to ride about four miles before we meet up so I'm interested to see how he feels about the ride home this afternoon.  That's the thing about commuting by bike, once you get on the bike and start riding, you're fully committed for the day.  Whether he's in pain or not, I'm sure he's feeling good about burning several hundred  calories, being green, and saving a few bucks in gas all before work even starts.

On the ride, we kept at an even pace and didn't try to go full Tour De France on his first ride.  A couple of times along the ride I stood up on the pedals and crop dusted Jed but I don't think he noticed since he was focused on pedaling but hey, nothing says friendship like a nice fart in the face when you're taking in lots of air!

Well done Jed....well done!

FLARG!

Yes loyal Gut Chronicles readers, this morning, after my green smoothie, I got another flat.  Luckily for me, this time the flat didn't happen on the SART, instead, when I came out of the gym after my shower, I noticed a flat. I had to walk Serena 1/4 mile to work but now I'm sitting here with the knowledge that I have to change my rear wheel tire in my work clothes at some point this morning.  This my friends is a total bitch for me!

This is my 3rd flat in about a year and, according to my research, that's a pretty average number so I guess its something I'm just going to have to learn to get good at.  As is the case with all learning, I went to YouTube to get instruction on how to change the rear wheel and the best methodology for changing a flat tire (see below).  Once I get the gumption up to go out and change my mother scratching tire again, I'll time it and let everyone know how I did.

Rear wheel vid:




And the tire changing vid:

Feel IT...FEEL THE MYAN SUPERFOOD!

There was no bike ride today since I had a tax appointment this morning but the good news is, I was well behaved and very physical yesterday so I lost three pounds in one day.  Yes, I realize its only one day and I need to partially divorce myself from my near addiction to wine, but I'm proud and feeling like a champ.  One day down....784 more to go to reach my goal weight.

To celebrate my one day of greatness, I started off the morning with one of my wife's patented green smoothies.  Yes, the picture above shows that this morning's smoothie was not green but gray, but who cares, it was good and it was loaded with spinach, spirulina, grapes, some banana, and one or two other things that I can't remember.  On top of the green/gray smoothie, I decided I needed some Mayan superfood to top it all off so I took a heaping spoon full of organic cacao, straight, no mixing, like a man.  As usual, the cacao had an immediate effect and I punched the air fifty or sixty times, ripped two huge farts (the second one was quite a bit more wet than would normally be acceptable), and shouted "AAAAGGGHHHHH YEAH!  MAYAN SUPERFOOD!" at which point my youngest daughter ran into the room and acted like she was punching me in the balls.  After that, I was raring to go.

On the fitness front, today I plan to time myself running three miles.  I packed my GPS watch and I'll most likely have Mark driving me to put up a great time for a guy who weighs a metric ton.

Fitness is a journey folks, not a destination.

Getting Back On It

Last night was a huge rain and hail storm that made me think the apocalypse was upon us but we made it through.  Undaunted by the wet conditions and filled with resolve to get my ass back on track, I took to the SART again this morning for my bike commute to work.  As you can see, the mighty SART was flowing with water from the storm.  The problem was, I got extremely wet and dirty from all the water and debris on the trail and there were several times where water was splashing up in my face going through the underpasses when I was convinced that said water was bum pee I was probably contracting conjunctivitis from a bum's dick.  Makes me sad.

On to bigger and better things.  I weighed in this morning, had a healthy smoothie made of spinach, Greek yogurt, spirulina, and all sorts of other goodness.  I plan on making some changes that should get me back on the right path to fitness.  Mainly:

• Consume more water - I've been bad about that
• No snacking or drinking booze during the week
• Start bringing a healthy lunch to work again

I realize this is the 453rd time I've decided to 'get back on track', but dammit, this $hit is tough!

No Car Weekend...

It was a glorious weekend here in SoCal and since I managed to get Serena fixed (again) on Friday afternoon,  I decided to make a point of not going anywhere by car the entire weekend.  Birthday party down the street...bike.  Errands to the bank (above)...bike.  Lunch and shopping with the family on Sunday....bike.  It was great, my ass didn't touch the inside of a car the entire weekend.

Food wise, I followed up the green smoothie fast by eating like a pig most of the weekend and lord knows I did some drinking, but who cares, it was an awesome weekend and I felt that I earned the right to have some fun.  For those of you who are thinking of giving the green smoothie fast a try, you should know that you immediately gain a few pounds back once you get back on regular food.  My wife ate healthy all weekend and even she put a couple of pounds back on.  Fortunately, even though I gained some weight back, I'm looking slimmer and my pants (trousers for my English readers) are fitting much better so I'm still happy with the results.

I hopped back on the Serena for my commute to work this morning and even though it was colder than a witches tit, the sun was out and it was invigorating to get back out there and have a good ride into the office early in the morning.  While passing under the bridge where Serena got a flat last week, I noticed this extremely well made bum condo (below).  I'm pretty sure the bastards who live in there are the ones who broke the bottle on the trail but there was no sign of glass this am so hopefully they keep their crap to themselves from now on.

Smoothie Fast Final Day

Yes folks, today is the final day of my green smoothie fast.  Here's a shot of my little mid morning snack...ahhhhh soo refreshing!  Truth be told, I'm dying to get something hot in my mouth (I'm sure that will increase hits based on Google searches).  Still haven't been hungry at all but its nice to sit down and actually eat a meal so come Saturday, I'm going to engage eating mode again.  Hopefully I don't lose it and just eat everything in site.  On the bright side, I'm down eight pounds in four days so this should be a good start to eating healthy almost all the time.  We'll see...

Green Smoothie Fast Update...

Its day four of the smoothie fast and so far so good.  The wife and I have consumed nothing but these green beauties above (I’ve allowed myself coffee in the am).  I’ve dropped six pounds in three days, I don’t feel hungry at all, and I’m not craving snacks or booze at night.  Overall the Vitamix 5200 smoothie diet has been pretty darn good.  I do have to say I miss having a hot meal so I’m looking forward to the weekend when I can chow down at a moderate to aggressive pace. 

Day 2 of the Green Smoothie Fast

There they are folks, lined up like two torpedoes packed with greatness.  My pre workout snack and my lunch just getting cold, waiting to get in my belly.  The self imposed five day smoothie fest I'm on seems to be working fine.  I've dropped four pounds in two days and I'm feeling great.  So far I'm not really missing eating solid food but who knows how it will go.  After consulting with my wife last night, we determined I needed to mix in another smoothie since roughly 600 calories per day is nowhere near enough when you consider I'm riding 14 miles a day AND going to the gym.  We figured four per day (@96 oz per day) should be better than a mere 64 oz per day.

I'll be doing legs and abs in about half an hour so I just shotgunned this 32 oz of spirulina laced awesomeness.  I believe it's the Vitamix recipe for Fruit Salad smoothie with our own spirulina touch.  Tastes great.  Only weird thing is my poops are still solid.  How does that happen?