Sunday, February 19, 2012
Worst Ride Ever...
The goal today was to do a family bike ride and to get to see my buddy Jed's new bike. Jed and I have been friends since the 2nd grade and back in the day, when I rode my bike to go meet him somewhere, it usually meant something was going to be set on fire in the Torrance/Lomita area. Well, they say history repeats itself and today it did. Turns out Jed got a new bike for his birthday so we agreed to meet at a park off the trail by both of our houses and have a family picnic. Seemed like a great idea and we had a nice time but fuck me if it wasn't one of the coldest days in the history of planet earth. If the cold and cloudy day wasn't bad enough (keep in mind folks, we're talking Southern California here so spare me with your dumbass winter stories. Don't live where it snows, that's my advice), some old hag honked at my family and me on our ride home and it nearly caused my youngest daughter to crash. I wanted to throw a brick through that crusty old bitch's rear window but I didn't think it would be a good idea for my daughters to see me go DEFCON 1 on some old lady so the best I could do was slowly mouth an extremely vulgar description to the old broad when we rode past her at a stop light. Trust me, if that hag can read lips, she understands I don't mess around when it comes to profanity...everything is on the table with me.
Long story short, if anyone had told me back in 1982 that in 30 years, Madonna would be doing the half time show at the Superbowl, Whitney Houston would drop dead from too much booze and dope, and I'd still be riding my bike to the park to meet Jed, I'd tell them they were f&cking crazy. Well...turns out its not so crazy after all.
Here's me and Jed back in the day when they devoted an entire page to the two of us in the 87 page yearbook our school had our senior year (87 pages included K-12th grade):
Clockwise from the upper left: Jed and me in Paris at L'arc de Triomphe, Jed and me after winning a football game...again, Jed and me back when it was still legal for two dudes to get married in California (I was the masculine one, Jed was the she-dude), and Jed and I hanging out with Maria at the Calico Country Fair (and no, Maria is not giving me an 'old fashioned', get your mind out of the gutter)