Monday, April 30, 2012

Monday Blahs...

It was a dreary morning on the SART and I had a pretty stiff wind in me face on the ride in.  Serena is as dirty as a Bangkok hooker and she needs a bath but she did her job and got me to work on time.  I found out this weekend that the guy who's been busting my nuts about being in the OC Half Marathon isn't going to run even though he paid the fee so I'm glad I never paid and won't be running.

The nutrition front was quite grim this weekend and I have a business trip so I'm looking to just stay even most of this week and hopefully find some inspiration for when I get back

On a brighter note, the Dodgers are on a roll and show no signs of slowing down.  I should make a committment to do 20 push ups for every run they score and 50 for every win they have.  That way I can add to my already ripped physique and impress the ladies even more.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Hot Afternoon Update!

See that tin of 50 small sized Altoids?  I just ate like 35 of them.  When I say I just ate 35 of them, I mean like just now, not over the course of the past couple of hours, but I just downed 35 mini Altoids in under a minute.

I'm like a walking, talking, fresh mint smelling Cathy cartoon with huge pipes and a giant hog.

Hold me

To String Or Not To String

I couldn't ride to work today because of rain and there isn't much going on so I was just sitting here having some string cheese for breakfast and wondered if its healthy.  Well, turns out string cheese is healthy!  Low in calories and packed with protein, vitamin A, B12, and zinc.  According to my internet machine, its the perfect on the go snack!  POW!  I bet a string cheese dipped in spirulina and then coated with caccao infused goji berries would be insanely healthy.  Sure, that concoction would tastes like a gorilla's asshole, but just think about the health benefits!

On another note, you know what isn't healthy?  The half gallon of bubblegum ice cream I powered down last night while watching the Dodger game.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Tagging Season

I got back on the SART finally this morning for my ride into work only to discover that apparently its tagging season in Santa Ana.  The city had been doing a great job cleaning up all the graffiti and then all of a sudden, our local boys went on a freaking rampage.  I don't know if there was a sale on spray paint or what but holy f*ck there was a lot of paint all over the place.

One tag in particular caught my eye.  Someone had climbed way up on a wall and tagged something street 'bomers'.  They were either trying to call themselves the boners or the bombers but they did a poor job of spelling it either way.  Maybe if these freaks would spend more time at school and less time spray painting the ass off of everything that isn't tied down they'd have a better shot in life.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Back In Biz

Yes, I've been gone a while and yes, my legions of fans have been wondering where the hell I've been.  Well, I was on vacation, training and dutifully updating the Gut Chronicles and then he worst cold since the Spanish Flu of 1914 hit me and I haven't done much worth writing about since.  Fortunately for me, after a week or so of fighting it off I'm feeling pretty much fit as a fiddle so I'm back on it.

Saturday was a glorious day and since I had to go register my kids for soccer, I thought it would be a good time to hop on Serena for the first time in two weeks and pedal my ass down to soccer registration seven miles away and get some exercise in.

The ride was a great ride and part of it took me through charming downtown Tustin.  Downtown Tustin is a quaint olde style village that has wide tree lined streets and a feeling that takes you back to a gentler time.  In spite of the fact that downtown Tustin has the old vibe, they have plenty of necessities such as:

Albertos, no community is complete without a spot to get a huge greasy burrito that will put you in a four day coma!

Tough to see in the above photo but Deva's.  Deva's is a dumpy bar where the one time I went, the bartender was this 50+ year old chick in a thong bikini.  Strangest thing I ever saw in my life that was legal.

The Swinging Door!  A quaint tavern where hot chicks in ultra tiny bikini's serve you beer.  How do I know this you ask?  I know this because my wife likes to hang out there with her friends.  I myself have never had the pleasure of going to The Swinging Door so I thought I'd stop in for a cold beer to knock the dust off but those bastards weren't open at 10:15am.  Stupid Swinging Door.

After cruising through Old Tustin, I made my way back to Santa Ana.  On this particular route home, I was reminded of how much parts of Santa Ana really are like Mexico.  Everywhere I looked, I could have sworn I had somehow traveled to Mexico on Serena:

In parts of Santa Ana, all he signs are in Espanol

These two beefy mammas walking down the street wearing clothes two sizes too small for them reminded me of Mexico

Not Mexico, but Santa Ana, CA

Just like in Mexico, parts of Santa Ana have a very loose interpretation of what is and what is not an acceptable place to dump trash

Ultimately I made the turn for home and rode past the old Santa Ana courthouse.  This building is really cool, well over 100 years old, and an example of one of the things people love about Santa Ana.

The old Santa Ana courthouse, very cool spot

Not too much of a point to this post other than to say sorry for not posting, I was sick, now I'm better, and I rode Serena 14 miles on Saturday and you can expect to hear more from me.

ps.  Eat me

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Fear and Loathing in Maui

Everything caught up to me yesterday. The vigorous exercise, spending all day in the sun, going wild in the pools and water slides here at the Grand Wailea, and the fruity drinks.

I made the mistake yesterday of pushing the envelope and playing golf after five hours of sun and pool activity. M'legs were so sore I could barely move and I was getting a sore throat. I slept 11 hrs last night and the throat is worse today. I may have slightly over done it.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Power and the Glory

Here's me in the middle of my 3.5 mile tune up run on hilly terrain in Maui at 0600 hours today.  Being on vacation is no excuse for sitting around like a fat tub of shit and just letting yourself go.  You need to make time to get your ass out of bed and do some serious exercise every single day whether you like it or not.  That's how serious athletes do it!

And here's me in the middle of having my 1,400 calorie Loco Moco breakfast a couple of hours after my run.  Being on vacation is no excuse for eating like some chick who's starving herself for a swimsuit photo shoot and just being a lightweight.  You need to make time to take advantage of having local cuisine like fried rice, a half pound hamburger patty, and two eggs, all smothered in rich gravy.  That's how serious chunky dudes do it!

Someone hold me

Monday, April 9, 2012

Just Blasting Them Abs

Ok, not really, I found out through a little competition with my buddies last week that I am woefully inadequate in the crunches department (yes, I'm preparing for an onslaught of pecker jokes from my friends after that comment). So, I've been working on the abs in an attempt to at least be able to be considered average because its good to have goals.

Long story short, I took a break from the beach this am to go to the gym, do a quick eliptical warm up followed by stretching out and then massive ab work.

The photo above is me on some sort of ab machine in the hotel fitness center. This machine seemed lame, it made me get into positions that made me feel like some kind of slack jawed hillbilly trying to f@ck a small woodland creature.

Not a Bad Start to the Morning

Nothing like lounging on the beach and eating a nice healthy apple to make a man feel like the world is his oyster.

Last night I enjoyed a huge cheeseburger with guac and some calorie laden fruity drink with an umbrella.  On the surface that sounds bad but I'm thinking since I had a long run and spent about four hours swimming and being attacked by my kids in the pool, I'm calling it a wash.

On the fitness front, I'm surprised at how not sore I am today after yesterday's hilly six miler. Gives me hope for the future!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Maui Wowee

Oh yeah Chronicles followers, this is me on my six mile run in Maui this am. Rock.  Hard.  Stud.

Last night wasn't a nutritional triumph but it wasn't a complete fail either. We had Thai food and some beers. Suck on that.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


Just got done putting on a display in the weightroom (large sweaty guy display) and here's the pre 9:00am view just outside the fitness center. Time to enjoy it all.

Trying to Be Somewhat Healthy on Vacation..

Ahhhh Maui. Here's the view while I'm eating my breakfast of Honey Nut Cheerios and coffee. Not too healthy but I know between working out and cavorting all day at the pool, the calorie burn will be fine.  I've only been here a day and I'm pretty sure not a single vegitable (other than fries) has entered my gullet. I'm going to have to change that today.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Another day, another airport meal

Here we are at LAX today. Mega line for unhealthy chow. I'm going to give up and just embrace myself as the new Jaba the Hut

Airport breakfast yesterday...

Here I was at Sea-Tac having an unhealthy breakfast.....tomorrow will bring more of the same

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Behold, the bounty of my quinoa stash!

Upon reading my alarming post about skyrocketing quinoa prices and looming shortages of this Bolivian food of the gods, the wife went out yesterday and topped off our supply of quinoa just in case the shit hits the fan!  Check it out folks, that's four pounds of high quality, organic, quinoa from the Bolivian highlands, a virtual lifetime supply.  Last night we decided to dip into our stock of the red quinoa to give it a try and it was darn good.

Here's the wife mixing up a batch of red quinoa for the family to feast on.  Deeeeelish!

There it is, the finished product.  Rotisserie chicken, peas and corn, yam and parsnips, and a healthy dose of red quinoa to nourish the temple that is my body!  Yes folks, the quinoa stock is strong at my compound but before any of you get all crazy thinking you're going to raid my stash, just know that I've got a semi-accurate bb gun and the will to use it!  Stay the f*ck back!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The Quinoa Wars of Bolivia: Hard Hitting Journalism at its Best

I figure I've posted enough photos of Quinoa so here's Miss Bolivia!

This morning I was given insider information (by an article in Yahoo news) on a looming battle for control of Quinoa on the Bolivian highlands.  According to Time magazine:

"Over the past decade, the "Andean superfood" has become a pinnacle product for First World foodies. Often mistaken for a grain, quinoa is actually a chenopod (cousin to a beet); rich in minerals, it's the only vegetable that's a complete protein. To the added delight of politically correct health nuts, it's produced by small-scale Andean farmers like Huarachi who reap direct benefits of its international popularity. Recently, those benefits have skyrocketed: quinoa's price has tripled since 2006, triggering a boom in the poorest region of South America's poorest country"
While this all sounds fine and dandy for those Bolivian folks, I guess the influx of money for the greatness that is Bolivian quinoa has caused some squabbling including a three day land battle between farmers over land this past February where people were temporarily kidnapped, dozens were injured, and some wild man took it to an all new level and blew up some dynamite which made another guy lose his freaking arm!  I think the dynamite chuck must be the Bolivian equivalent to a 'shoot up in da club' here in the U.S.

All told, prices for quinoa on the world market are skyrocketing and this is causing a huge issue with land usage in Bolivia where, up till now, 90% of the quinoa grown was completely organic.  Bottom line...those dynamite chucking Bolivians aren't going to keep up with exploding demand so that means we should do what Americans to best and that's panic and start hoarding quinoa!  Get the fuck out of my way, I'm going to go raid every Trader Joes from here to the Mexican border!

Full Article Here

Monday, April 2, 2012

Monday Musings

It was a gorgeous but cold morning on the SART today for my ride into work.  I'm feeling good about my exercise levels but my nutritional issues persisted this weekend...sort of.  Here is some rapid fire thoughts on this fine Monday morning:

  • I'm planning on slowly mapping much of the SART on Google Maps through some program who's name currently escapes me.  You submit photos and in a month or so, they're posted on Google Maps street view (unless its a shot of your balls and then they won't post it because they're all prudish).  This shot is of the First Street underpass which I will call 'Flat Tire Gulch' because its the location where I've gotten two of my three flats.
  • After my flat tire incident last week, I kept noticing a slight wobble on Serena's rear wheel.  The wobble wasn't huge so I didn't want to take Serena into the bike shop because I was afraid they'd laugh at me and think I was a total Nancy so I got on YouTube, saw an instructional on how to do wheel/spoke adjustments, tried it out, and within five minutes, Serena's back wheel was once again, straight as a honeymoon hard-on.  I rule!
  • I wore the GPS watch this morning to see how fast I go, etc. on my ride.  I was surprised to find that I'm averaging about 17.5 mph on my ride in.  That's about a 2.5mph improvement over a month or so ago AND this was on a day following a five mile run!  BAM! My strength grows by the day and soon I'll be ready for the tour!
  • Last but certainly not least, after my shower at the gym this morning, I scared some old timer away with one of my massive farts.  The dude was sitting on the bench next to me, just starting to take his shoes off to change, and I ripped one of those long and loud low growlers about a foot away from his head.  The old dude stopped changing, hopped up and quickly walked away like a dog who's been scared out of his sleep.  He shoots, he scores!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Run Like The Wind!

Ok, so maybe I'm not quite running like the wind but I got out of bed this morning, had some coffee, built a log cabin that could withstand a tornado, and then hit the road for a five mile run.  I'm still thinking about possibly doing the OC Half Marathon in May and I have just over a month to train.  My buddy Mark suggested that I just start trying to get miles under my feet and not worry about speed so that's what I did.  All in all, I'm feeling pretty good and confident that I'll be able to train enough to at least finish the damn thing.  Here's a brief capsule of today's epic run:

Bonus Material- My aweseome playlist during my run this am:

Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've) - The Buzzcocks
The Cave - Mumford & Sons
Times Like These - Foo Fighters
Young Dead Men - The Black Angels
Little Lion Man- Mumford & Suns
New York City - Steve Earle
Kickstart My Heart - Motley Crue
All You Wanted - Michelle Branch (tee hee)
Three is a Magic Number - Blind Melon
I Don't Care About You - Fear
Head Over Heels - Go-Gos
Ignorance-  Paramore
The Sun Always Shines On TV- Milk Inc.