Monday, January 13, 2014

Fiesta Chihuahua!

In case you were wondering what happened to me, I had to go to Vegas for work and everything pretty much went to shit for an entire day.  I was too ashamed to post after that so I here I am, back on Monday, back on track.

Vega trip was good.  I ate about 47 pounds of steak and drank enough to put down a moose.  Final highlight was losing $38 on this slot machine called 'Fiesta Chihuahua' at the Vegas airport.  I don't recommend it at all.

The food intake thus far has been good.  Had wine this weekend mainly because of football but other than that Vegas trip, I wouldn't say I've overdone it at all.

Right after returning from Vegas, the wife made me pizza :

Pizza you say?  Who the fuck would sabotage you like that?  What kind of a wife is trying to poison you in such a way?  You're probably all asking...well, the joke is on you because that tasty pizza pictured above is all vegetarian with the exception of a tiny bit of cheese.  The crust is made from cauliflower, the sausage is whole grain sausage, and the rest is traditional veggies.

Before any of you nay sayers tell me you'd never put that crap in your mouth, I'm here to tell you that cauliflower crust pizza is legit!  The whole grain sausage makes it spicy and it's a very filling and totally healthy meal.  Bon appitito!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Disaster Averted

I'm here at the airport and I foolishly didn't eat my healthy breakfast before leaving this am. Thought I'd be fine until I reached my destination but then this lady sat down next to me and proceded to chow down on a delicious looking amd smelling hot pretzel with processed cheezy sauce. I had to take immediate evasive maneuvers so I found a Subway and powered down a six incher (joke intended) with turkey, mustard, and red onion on whole wheat. Figured it made that fat guy thin and RGIII eats there so its gotta be good for me!

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Breakast O' Champions

One thing I'm often asked by my loyal followers is "Hey brother, how is it that you can take down Silicon Valley single handedly but still eat healthy?" (Nobody has ever asked me that because I've been large and in charge since the day I moved up here but let's just have some suspension of disbelief here and go with the story).  My answer prepared.

For instance, I knew this am, I had to roll into the office early because craft* domination required that I be here in person.  Rather than light up a couple of Breakfast Jacks on the way to the office, I had the wife pack me a healthy breakfast before I left.  The photo you see above is three crustless mini quiche made with egg whites, low fat cottage cheese, and whole grain sausage.  What you do is, pack those day old babies on a paper plate (seen above), with a plastic fork, wrap in cling wrap, then in tin foil.  You slide that whole bomb of healthiness sideways into your notebook bag (gotta pack carefully so as not to spill), then when you get to work, you unwrap them, slide them into a 30 year old office microwave with mold and shit on the inside, and fire those babies up.  Nothing to do from that point on other than sit back and enjoy!  Yuuuuuummmm

* For the uninitiated, 'Craft' is the term us insiders use for the act of selling (sarcasm meant)

First Day...Success!

Day one of the new me version 3.4.1 went great.  I ate well, drank lots of water, got a full eight hours of sleep, and had zero wine....and now I feel funny.  Sure I dropped a massive two tapered job this am as soon as I got into the office and yes I know I'm treating my body better, but watching the BCS Championship game totally sober was an odd experience.  I think I should be feeling better so lets just break this down:


Here's my food journal from yesterday..

  • 7 - 15 ounce cups of water
  • Three mini crustless quiche (cottage cheese, whole grain sausage)
  • One 250 cal chicken and spinach salad
  • Three small pieces of chicken breast (less than 100 cal)
  • Sliced carrots (about one full carrot)
  • Two bowls of organic chicken and veg soup
  • Four small sourdough nuggets to go with the soup
Although everything I ate was healthy, I'm thinking I didn't get enough calories and I didn't eat my breakfast until nearly noon...need to change that


According to everything I've read on my internet machine, I missed the amount of water I was supposed to have by about 50 ounces.  Problem with this is, I probably pissed 87 times yesterday and I wasn't about to go to bed all loaded up on water.  I'll try to drink more today

Booze: no likey.  This is honestly the first time in over a year where I've had no wine all day.  Probably going through withdrawls


Eight solid hours and I was in bed by 10:00pm.  Good there.

Overall the day was a success.  Today I might try to work some exercise in and see how that treats me.  Hopefully I don't poop myself.

Monday, January 6, 2014

I'm Back and Bigger Than Ever!!

That's right ladies and gents, the old Gut Chronicles is going to make a comeback and thank God because I've gotten a little large.  Above is a photo of me from a few weeks ago.  Check out that bulging gut and three chins...I'm a specimen of good health.

Here's what's happened in the last 16 months since my last a nutshell:

  • Got a  new job
  • Moved to NoCal and commuted back and forth to Orange County for six months
  • Moved the whole family to an undisclosed NoCal location
  • Along the way, I ate and drank everything I could possibly get my hands on.  I was like Agustus Gloop AND his mother in Willy Wonka....I just let it go and loved doing it! an effort to become normal again, I'm starting the year off right with cutting out so much booze, eating healthy, and getting my fat ass back into the gym I pay for every month but never go to.  To try and hold myself to a better standard, I plan to try and update the Gut Chronicles again too!

I just want to be pretty again...stay tuned for more hot Gut Chronicles action