Just got back from the gym and ordered some. I wanted it in suppository form but they don't sell it like that. Tooooo bad.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Looks like it was moving day for this gentleman on the SART this morning. Hopefully he's movin up like George and Weezie.
Today's ride was cold and bug infested. I had to ride through huge hoards of little bugs. A few even got in my mouth. I'll probably drop dead soon or grow a second pecker.
Friday, September 23, 2011
This photo describes my ride to work today. You see folks, while I haven't been blogging much, I've been working out like a champ and the weight is back down to where it was prior to falling off the Thunderlips bandwagon. I'm feeling good going into the weekend and ready to kick ass (Read to mean drink lots, watch football, and snack).
Unrelated note, I saw an old man in the locker room at the gym today, standing in front of a mirror, naked, holding his gut up with one arm while he blew dry the underside of it. Made me want to barf.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Someone rode to work today AND had a massive workout AND has been eating well.
The fuzz were out on the SART today after what appeared to be a massive, weekend long grafitti cleanup job. I bet by the time I ride home, the homies will have redecorated.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
All of my mid week rides are on the SART (Santa Ana River Trail for any newcomers) so I decided to ride the trail where I usually take my kids but instead of the leisurely family riding pace, I was going to ride like my ass was on fire. Unfortunately for me, the denizens of the Santiago Creek Trail had other plans for me. Apparently it is lost on most people that when you see a sign like the one above every fifteen fucking feet on a small road that has a dotted line down the middle and many painted pictures of bicycles on the ground that you might be on a mother scratching bike trail. I managed to get a good 45 minute ride in and work up a lathery man style sweat IN SPITE of the throngs of fucksticks that chose to be on the bike trail this morning but I feel that instead of complaining about it, I should try to do something constructive so I'm making some rules for being on the bike trail.
Rule #1: That four legged evil mutant you call a dog needs to be on a friggin leash! I hate people who don't put their dog on a leash in public places and I hope they die. Just because you think Mr. Puppy McBigglesworth is the cutest sweetest thing in the world, it doesn't mean that little fucker won't come at me when I'm jogging or riding a bike. Fuck you and fuck your dog! Put it on a leash or it will eat my shoe.
Rule #2: You are not the only motherscratcher on the trail! The bike trail I was on this morning is a good eight to ten feet wide and there is a dotted line down the middle. In every corner of the globe, when you see a line down the middle of a paved road, that means your ass needs to stay on one side. For some reason, there are tons of people (usually large women in loud track suits) who think its perfectly acceptable to walk slowly while spaced perfectly so that nobody can get around you or between you. Of course, when you yell "ON YOUR LEFT!" as you're riding up to these flesh lumps, their typical response is to slowly turn and give you a dirty look. How dare you attempt to get past them while they're enjoying their leisurely morning walk and ignoring the simple fact that they should get out of every one's way. My typical move with people like this is to get up to a high rate of speed and ride right between them. Whenever I do this, I can hear a gasp or a squeal behind me like Mavis and Beaumadine just had the shit scared out of them and it'll give them something to talk about for the rest of their lives...while they continue to block the whole trail. One side or the other people...one side or the other.
Rule #3: Either stay where you are or get the hell out of the way. I can't tell you how many times (especially this morning) some loser turns around to see me riding towards him, looks shocked as hell and then does a little dance move to try and figure out what to do. Listen folks, first off, you are a booger eating moron if it surprises you to see a bike riding up on you when you are walking on a gol durn bike trail. Think about it for a moment man! Bike trail means FUCKING BIKES WILL BE THERE! If you are dumb enough to be shocked to see a bike riding towards you on a bike trail, there are two things that you should do...either get the hell out of the way or stay where you are so I can ride around you. What you SHOULD NOT do under any circumstances is what a whole bunch of people did this morning. You should not turn around, look terrified, stick both arms out and then give me a head fake or a drop step like you're trying to return a kickoff and make me miss. Dumbass...when 245 pounds of white meat is riding at you at a high rate of speed, the one thing you want happening is for said large bike rider to know EXACTLY what you intend to do.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
In addition to taking my bro and his kids for a ride, I managed to get my brother on video for an interview. On the surface, it doesn't sound like a big deal, but my brother, a Hollywood guy for more than a decade, has this strange fear of being in front of the camera. I managed to surprise my brother while he was reprograming my TV (something he does every time he comes to my house) and ask him what he thought of the ride and, to my surprise, he actually responded. Feast your eyes ladies....
Enough about the header, on to me. I'm feeling proud of myself this morning. I got out of bed, did my normal 45 min of scratching and farting, and then settled in to do absolutely nothing. I quickly realized that, even though it was 6:52am, it was now or never for working out. I knew that if I didn't get to it asap, the workout was not going to happen. So, I quickly threw on my workout duds and headed to the gym where I completed a massive upper body extravaganza that set records in 24 states. I've gotta admit, during my warm-up, I was not pleased to be doing anything physical as the below video clearly indicates....
In spite of my reluctance to work out, I pressed on and actually made it happen in a big way. Here's me, in the G35 with sport tuned suspension, feeling large and in charge after my workout. For the record, at this point, I hadn't shaved in three days. Sooner or later I should hit puberty.
They say that to be successful in a fitness/weight loss effort, you have to have a good support system in place. Part of my support system is The Spousal Unit back at home. Lucky for me, when I got home, The Spousal Unit had a mega healthy breakfast waiting for me. Here she is, in a rare on camera apperance, explaining some of the health benefits of my breakfast. If you're wondering why I'm only showing her face, its because she was wearing sexy lingerie that had the guns of Navarone on full display, and since this isn't one of those filthy p0rn sites where they show girls letting guys put their thingies in their doo-dads, I won't show such things. This is a professional site about fitness and weightloss for crap's sake! I want to be taken seriously.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
On to the run...Here's my youngest giving me the ol' pre run pep talk. She was originally going to be a lump like her sister and stay home and watch TV, but she sacked up and decided to put her old man through his paces...
Here we are just about half way. My daughter is clearly trying to stall because she wants to rest.
The great race up 'Heart Attack Hill'
Nearly home and heading under Main Street
After we made it home, my kid walked in the house and said "Something smells like dog!" We went into the kitchen and there was a plate of fried Spam. I said "Well, there you go, now you know what Spam's made out of!" The kid still ate it.
Overall I'm feeling good about the three day weekend. A nice brisk run today was a good start. I had a berry protein shake afterwards and I'm motivated to not pig out all weekend and maybe, just maybe, get fully back into it so the weight loss isn't such a struggle. Only problem is, today is the first Saturday of the college football season and it turns out that I likes to sit on the couch and drink and watch football...we'll see how it goes.
INTERESTING SITE NEWS!
Last week, The Gut Chronicles got nearly as many hits from The Netherlands as it did from the U.S. I'm not sure if I have a single admierer in Holland (please let it be Sylvie Francoise van der Vaart!) or if I'm becoming a national sensation. Cheers to you my Dutch friends! Thanks for stopping by.
As a side note, since football season is a starting, here's a stone cold mortal lock for you. University of South Florida is an eleven point underdog at Notre Dame today. Take USF and the points. Stone Cold Bet Your Granny's Panties Mortal Lock!!!