Thursday, May 3, 2012

Fear and Loathing in San Antonio

Ahh yes, there she is, the breakfast of the business traveler.  Lonely, sad, not nutritious, lame.  It's bad enough that I have to eat such a breakfast (its free for a reason), but what makes it worse is that I had to eat said breakfast in San Antonio.

The city of San Antonio may not have invented excessive ball sweat but they've sure as hell taken it to a new level.  Virtually all of my day yesterday was spent on my feet and a good portion of it was spent outside in 90+ degree heat with more humidity than a hyper-active steam room.  So essentially, my day yesterday was spent standing, or eating bad food, or having beers, all while working up the sweatiest set of balls in the history of humankind.

Now that we've established my level of ball sweat in this city, let's look at my nutritional intake yesterday as a fine example of why business travel is so incredibly unhealthy unless you seriously plan ahead.

Breakfast - same as the breakfast I had this morning pictured above.  Coffee and raisin bran

Between breakfast and lunch - about 40 cups of coffee and two litres of water (hoping to reduce ball sweat)

Lunch - Thai food and a giant Thai iced tea.  Lunch order was as follows:
Me:  "I'll have the pad se yew with chicken"
Waitress:  "How ha yoo lie"
Me:  "Hottest you've got...five stars, a ten, whatever the scale is you use"
Waitress:  "We go wan to fie.  Fie very ha"
Me:  "Five"
Waitress:  "Ooohhh NOOOOO!  Fie very ha mista.  I think three goot fo yoo"
Me:  "I'm fine, just go with the five, I can handle all you've got"
Waitress:  "Fie very hot mista...I think you no like"
Me:  "I'll worry about that...I want the five"
Waitress: "Okaaaaay.  I try to tell yoo"
Me:  "Gotcha, I understand, let's make this happen baby!"
Waitress:  "Whaa??"
Me:  "Nothing."
Waitress:  "Ok...fie ha"
Me:  "Understood"
Waitress...walking away shaking her head

For the record, 'fie' wasn't very hot but it was a greasy plate of noodles with some sort of meat that resembled chicken

Between lunch and dinner - cappuccino.  Then around 6:30pm at an event I was at, I had three heavy hors doovers and a couple of beers (five).

Dinner (10:30pm) - After walking two miles and generating even more ball sweat, we stopped for Italian food.  I had shrimp scampi which, even though its pasta in cream sauce and shrimps cooked in butter all with cheese on top, was one of the healthiest things on the menu.  I also had a glass of wine (three)

There you have it folks...even though nothing in and of itself felt all that bad at the time, when you put it all together, yesterday was a calorie-fest that was only offset by excessive sweating and roughly five miles of walking throughout the day.

Point being, fuck this place and I'm glad I'm going home today

No comments:

Post a Comment