Monday, November 21, 2011

My Own Worst Enemy

Here's me, November 21, 9:02am, post workout.  Why do I look unhappy you ask?  Its probably because I hurt and I actually gained weight this weekend in spite of working out.  I'm no scientist, but I'm guessing the weight gain was due to the pizza, Cheetos, Halloween candy, booze, and entire box of Wheat Thins I ate, all with cheese.  Working out this am was a savage journey into the dark heart of introspective lameness and farts.  Each step of this morning's strength training was a painful dose of self loathing with an almost unbearable urge to fart or make big potty.  Seriously, I couldn't believe how bad I had to fart, I was clutch cargo the entire workout.  Eventually I realized there were only old timers around me at the gym so I started dropping test farts to see if anyone noticed.  At first it was just one quick 'Brap!' and nobody looked around.  Since nobody looked around at first test fart, I decided to extend myself a little 'beeewwwwoooowww...putputputput', still nobody looked.  So finally I just figured screw it and I was a regular fart machine walking around the gym.  I was actually starting to amuse myself and then I almost shit my pants on one so I figured I better stop.

I got home and started feeling better about myself.  I made a great protein shake with frozen mixed berries, fiber (don't really need that), and a shot of spirulina.  With my healthy breakfast I downed some Metagenics for men vitamins and decided I'm fine.  I realized I did a week's worth of half marathon training and am off to a good start on week two so hell yes, I rule.  Here's me just after making my self affirming protein shake...

Ahhh, nothing like better living through chemicals to make a man happy!

No comments:

Post a Comment