I think it was Maya Angelou who said "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail" (it was actually John Wooden but I wanted to seem all liberal, urban, and hip so I threw out Angelou) and today I failed to prepare for lunch and my lunch was a failure.
Upon returning from the gym, I was saddened to realize there were no birthday parties or left over sandwich trays in the conference rooms that I could mooch off of so I had to hoof it back downstairs and drop 50 cents in a machine to pick up a 'Bowl Noodle Soup' from our friends at Nongshim of Korea (The good side). At first I was delighted to eat the delicious noodles. I even looked up the nutritional value which told me my 'lunch' consisted of 380 calories, and 56 grams of carbs. So what, I'm riding Serena today and I ran at the gym so I'm entitled to a little tasty treat with no nutritional value whatsoever right? Problem is, when I was done with my sodium infused carb bomb, I still felt incredibly hungry.
At this point, one might suggest a handful of almonds or an orange or something healthy like that right? Well, you can take that suggestion and shove it straight up your ass. I was hungry and I needed to eat something NOW. I sprung into action with a level of drive and motivation that, if applied to my every day life, would probably make me a lot more successful but that's another story for another time. I quickly borrowed the below monster vehicle of American greatness from a female co-worker:
Once I managed to spend 15 minutes moving the seat back, adjusting the steering wheel, taking down the sun shade, and changing the temperature from the 96 degrees my co-worker seems to find comfortable to a reasonable 60 degrees (as a side note, there are two things chicks just don't get: climate control and watching channels in non HD when an HD channel showing the same show is available) I was off!
I decided to head just down the road to Flame Broiler for a 'healthy' beef and veggie bowl.
Flame broiler is a great joint and as far as fast food goes, it's pretty healthy. The sign inside the restaurant says my beef and veg bowl is 530 calories so lets just say its 650 calories to be safe. That put my total lunch time calorie intake to just over a thousand calories. Nice work man...nice work. Eating crappy stuff is one thing if you're doing it on purpose but its epic failure when you don't mean to do it and you freak out like some kind of crazed glue sniffer.
I walked into the office and felt even more ashamed of myself when I walked past my friend Koko's desk (she's a tiny girl who, unlike some of us, can stop eating when she's full) and she cheerfully said "Good job boss!" thinking I had made a healthy choice when she saw my Flame Broiler bag. I just held it up and gave her the thumbs up and completely neglected to tell her that my appetizer was a foreign made, mass produced box nothing but empty calories and broken dreams bought for fifty cents from a dirty machine. I'm ashamed, I need to take a crying shower.
I think I need some red vines or something to wash the salt taste out of my mouth.