Mayan Superfood is the New Black!

The wife is on a health food vibe so she loaded up on some wild stuff this week while I was on the road.  Two of the items she purchased were Wildcrafted Goji berries (from China) and Cacao nibs which, as you can see in the photo, are classified as "Mayan Superfood".

This morning, the missus threw some kale, spirulina, OJ, water, ice, and goji berries into the Vitamix 5200 and let'er rip.  The concoction, while quite earthy tasting, was good, and just to top it off, I grabbed a handful of Cacao nibs and threw them in my mouth.  The sensation I had upon tasting this unholy blend was similar to when He-Man would yell 'By the Power of Greyskull and all hell would break loose with lightning bolts and whatnot.  I had to stomp my foot a couple of times and then just wildly started punching at the air for no reason at all other than I felt compelled to do it because of the sudden, overwhelming sensation of power I had.  Oddly enough, my sister came in the room, took a slug of her portion of the power beverage (she didn't throw back the Mayan Superfood...that was only for me) and she too had a sudden fit of mock combat against an unseen enemy.  What the hell is in that stuff?  Its the real deal!

Flash forward to now...

For the past five hours, I have had rancid, loud farts like nobody's business.  We're talking DEFCON 1, pure evil coming out of my ass in high volumes at all times.  One can only assume that whatever the wife put into the smoothies she made this morning with the addition of Mayan Superfood has the octane level of jet fuel and the radioactive half life of plutonium.  Sweet mercy I am a walking gas-bag.