Thursday, June 28, 2012

From Hard Farts to Heart Smart

Yesterday started off great with an awesome workout followed by a healthy Grimace smoothie and the world was my oyster.  Then disaster struck.

I was supposed to have a business lunch with an old colleague/friend and he got hung up in traffic, it was already 1:40pm, all I'd had was my Grimace smoothie so I cancelled lunch and did the sensible thing:  I had a can of Dennison's hot chili with cheese and watched a three hour long documentary called "Endgame:  Blueprint for Global Enslavement" about how the elite of the world are trying to establish a new world order, eliminate 80% of the world's population, and control us all while sucking the world free of resources for themselves.  Obviously, when you've been healthy most of the day, the thing you want to do is have an 800 calorie lunch and watch TV for three hours.

After my lunchtime debacle, I got back to business and had a very healthy dinner of Talapia and quinoa.  Unfortunately for me, the wife brought home delicious It's It ice cream snacks so I had to have one (blaming her like Adam blamed Eve)...see below

Just to make sure I fully sabotaged myself, I followed up the Its It with some goldfish crackers and wine.  On the bright side, the combo of Dennison's Hot Chili and an It's It gave me the most prolific gas in the history of mankind.  My family was in awe as I peeled off Chicago roaster after Chicago roaster.  At one point, I think my seven year old lost consciousness  It was epic.  They must be so proud.

Now, at long last, we come to this morning.  After yesterday's failure to stick to Operation Savage Fist, I decided to have a healthy breakfast (see below)

What's that you say?  That looks like a big old cheesy omelet?  You're partially right.  That's a two egg omelet with a slice of diced lean ham, sauteed green onions, and a tiny smattering of cheese.  Most people would think that's a not so healthy breakfast but I have it on good authority that done right, and not using butter or salt, the above omelet is not only delicious, but also extremely suck on that naysayers.  Now I'm not going so far as to say the omelet is as good as a can of Dennison's Hot, because its not even close.  Dennison's Hot is like mana from heaven poured over the nipples of Venus and into a can.  Nothing is as good as Dennison's Hot but my omelet this morning was delicious, healthy, and my heart and poop chute, which is still burning from last night's epic fart performance, are both thanking me.

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